My Horoscope

Guess what's my horoscope today?

You may feel pushed and pulled emotionally but that's what it will take to get you to do what needs to be done to move on. Let go of the things and people who are no longer a benefit. You can find happiness, security and a better future.

Exactly what I need!

I've been saying the same thing over and over again since last Christmas. But what my head tells me and what my heart actually feels can be quite different. And I'm way better friends with my head than my heart.

So yesterday I made a decision to cut off everything. No more 藕断丝连。 Otherwise it'll just drag on and on and take me forever to move on.

I've been rationalizing and overanalyzing my emotions since day one. No more of that. I don't have to reason out what is right and what is wrong. After all, 是非对错谁人悉? We don't have to exchange sorry's, don't have to say thanks. What happened was nobody's fault and our choice. 过去的让它过去.

Thanks to all of you who kept me company. Thanks for listening to me rant on and on and over and over about the same thing. Thanks for staying up at night listening to me vent. Thanks for listening to me even when you need to work. You know who you are. If you think I'm talking about you, then I probably am. Thank you so much. Just a heads up, I'm not saying thanks now because I won't rant anymore.. because I very well might. But I'll try not to. ;)

I don't have to pretend to be strong. If my emotions wash over me again, I'll let myself swim in it, but I won't drown. No I won't. I'm not the only person in the whole world who's going through this. It's just that it's my first, and I'm learning.

But I'll walk through this. How long will it take before I wander through this maze? I don't know. Maybe months, maybe weeks or maybe days. Time will heal me and he doesn't take Disney Fastpasses. So I'll just wait. (And study for that exam in the meantime.)

You know how the more you try to do something, the worse you do? Like when I'm playing Minesweeper, if I am consciously trying to beat my best time, I'll play even slower than I usually do. I got my fastest records when I was not paying attention, clicking away while daydreaming about something else.

So I guess this is the same thing. One day soon enough, when I'm out grocery shopping, or having a walk in the park, it'll suddenly hit me: "Hey, I haven't thought about so-and-so for a while now."

And then I'll know I've moved on.

Here's to my happiness, security and a better future!

(Head: Psst, hey Heart, you listening to all this?)