Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

焉知此祸不是福

Had a really long and nice conversation with my mum last night. 2 hours. Long or not? Was going to talk longer, but then phone card ran out of credits.

Remember the blog I wrote called 牵手? My mum thought it was lyrics from a real song! Haha, I told her I wrote it, and PURPOSELY made it look like song lyrics to con people. She was sooooooooo impressed. Hehehe, my ego is all puffed up today.

I tell my mum everything. When I'm sad, I call home. When I'm happy, I call home. Well, maybe not right away when I'm happy. Cause busy celebrating mah. :P But my mum knows what I've been through and is going through.

My mum said, 焉知此祸不是福. Agreed. My mum said a lot more things. All agreed.

此事不是祸,此事是福。辛苦就一定是祸吗?伤心就一定是祸吗?不。

我辛苦了,伤心了,哭泣了,生气了,颓废了,接受了,看开了,放下了。

是什么?

是我成长了。

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Beautiful Lanjut memories

During my childhood, my family often went on vacations. One of our favorite places was Lanjut Golden Beach Resort, on the east coast near the Johor-Pahang border. I don't even remember when the place became our annual holiday destination. The only things I remember from that first trip was that my family went with my grandparents, and I got woken up super early to see the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen.

That first trip gave way to a lot more. Sometimes we went with my uncles' families (I have a lot of uncles), sometimes with my dad's friends' families, and sometimes a mix of both. Once we even had a 20-car entourage. To prevent people from getting lost, all the cars were numbered from 1 to 20 and must line up according to their number. Imagine how that looked on the highway. But no matter who else came along, there was one family who always joined us. My eldest uncle (dad's side) and his family. Which means there were 4 noisy kids who ran around uncontrolled: my brother, 2 cousins (boys) and me. Baby sis came into the picture quite late.

Those Lanjut trips were the highlights of our school years. The night before the trip, my brother and I were often too excited to sleep. Which is good because we slept through most of the long journey the next day. The minute we reached the resort, the 4 of us will rush to the bicycle shack to rent our bikes, before our parents even checked in. Got to reserve the best bike mah.

Cycling was our main way of getting around. I think I cycled more than I walked. We cycled EVERYWHERE. We cycled to the restaurant to meet our parents during lunch and dinner. We cycled to the swimming pool in our swimsuits. We cycled to the golf course to see if we could spy our dads playing golf. We cycled to the roti canai shop for breakfast. We cycled on paved roads. On pedestrian walkways. On grass (with extreme difficulty). We even tried to cycle on sand, where we promptly fell down and scraped our knees.

When the resort built more walkways, it got confusing when describing where to meet up. We also wanted noone else to understand where we were going. So we drew a map of all the pedestrian walkways and named each 'road'. Our road names were illustrative, if not creative. There was Bumpy Road, Jungle Road, Hotel Road, and Sharp Turn Road.

As we grew up, the resort grew, too. Where there were only wooden chalets at first, the club added a hotel and several concrete bungalows (lovingly named honeymoon suites). A bigger swimming pool was built. People could go jetskiing or kayaking. But the addition that was the most fun was woodball! It's a Taiwanese game which is a bit like golf except you use a mallet and a wood ball (hence the name). We had no idea how to play, so as usual, made up our own rules. At first noone else played, so we could yell at each other across the course or hit the ball however we wanted without disturbing others.

Among all the holidays we had in Lanjut, one trip stands out from the rest. That time, my parents brought my brother, my sister, me and 4 of my cousins. SEVEN children! Kinda like the Von Trapp family in the Sound of Music. Everytime we went for lunch or dinner, someone will surely stare and then ask my mum if we were all her children. I think for fun my mum did say yes a few times. It was a riot. 3 boys, 4 girls and only 2 adults. Plus my sister was still a toddler so my mum had to take care of her and had less time checking on us.

On that trip, my cousin's slipper went missing. We searched for it high and low before the 3 boys finally admitted that they buried it. The best part was they couldn't remember where they buried it, so my parents had to drive us to town to get her a pair of slippers. All the kids (minus my sister) slept in the huge living room (we stayed in the honeymoon suite) with the girls' and boys' territories marked out. 2 of my cousins (one my dad's side one my mum's) apparently did not like each other at all. And yet when the rest of us woke up the next morning, one of them had somehow rolled/climbed over my brother and both were hugging each other in their sleep. We came up with nicknames too, using our initials. There was Yoyo Lion, Yoyo Mouse, Telur Jagung, Telur Langsat, and my favorite... Tok tok ah Q. I was Suzy Cat. :P

As the years went by, we visited Lanjut less and less. The last time I went back I was still in high school. Then I went to Singapore and to the States and somehow we stopped visiting. I wonder how it looks like now. Maybe everything's different from how it used to be when I was a child. Or maybe nothing's changed. But I think even if I visited today, it wouldn't feel the same. No matter how the place looks like now, at least I've changed. Some things I believe are better left as good old memories. Memories to share with my family and relatives. To be fondly remembered every once in a while. Untainted by any attempts to relive them.

Monday, September 04, 2006

It's Official!

Finally confirmed. I'm flying to Louisville on 26th September! Work starts on 2nd October, which means I have about 5 days to...

  • look for an apartment
  • furnish my apartment
  • open bank account
  • figure out how to get to work
  • find out how to get to Wal-mart & Target
  • etc...........

This is crazy, but I'm so excited!!!!! My first apartment, to be decorated however I want! Or rather however my bank account wants. So fun so fun, too bad there's no IKEA nearby though. I was planning to get most of my stuff from IKEA since it's cheap and nice. But the closest one is around Chicago and shipping costs a bomb. We'll see what happens. Worse comes to worse, I'll rent furniture. I found a furniture rental company that has pretty nice-looking stuff. Of course, it costs a bomb, too.

I have exactly 3 more weeks in Malaysia. *sigh* It will be a 4-month long holiday, which is 2 months longer than I originally expected, but still... I wouldn't mind having more. It's sooooooooo nice to stay at home. People keep asking me what I do at home, well...

I wake up around 10.30 am, check my e-mail and IM some friends. Sometimes I teach tuition when my mum's busy, or cook dinner, or do housework when I'm feeling guilty for being lazy. I'm finishing up my craft projects from 3 years ago (more on this later) and still have one more left. Play lots of computer games, influencing my sis who's sitting for UPSR now, one of my mum's tuition kids and my bro along the way. Occasionally surf online to check out apartments in Louisville. At night watch Korean drama or whatever my family's watching. Sometimes I go out with my mum on errands.

So you see, nothing exciting. I rarely go out during weekdays since most of my friends are working already and I live too far away for last minute mamak calls at night. Surprisingly there are a lot of things to do at home or with my family. Weekends I go to Taman Tun and that's a different story and I don't want to tell. :P

My holiday may not be exciting, but I'm loving every minute of it. I won't get another one like this for a long long time.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Think twice before you order

Be real careful when you order food at KFC.

I went there for lunch with my bro & sis today. There wasn't a line so we ended up right at the counter without knowing what we wanted to order yet. Our discussion went pretty much like this:

Me (to bro): Ok, what are you ordering?
Bro: Cheesy meltz!
Me (to bro): Meal or what?
Bro: Hmm.. (takes a while to read menu).. meal lah.
Cashier: One Cheesy meltz meal.

Same process with sister.. but with fish sandwich meal.

Bro (to me): Then you leh?
Me: I want chicken. Erm.. erm.. snack plate or dinner plate leh?
(Another few minutes discussing pros & cons of ordering 2 vs 3 pieces of fried chicken. Finally decides on 3 pieces. Cashier must be quite bored by this time.)

Bro: Hmm.. I also want cheesy wedges.
Me: But XR's meal already has wedges. So many potato wedges meh?
Bro: Yea wer. (turns to cashier) Can you cancel the fish sandwich meal? I want just the sandwich.
Cashier: Sorry sir, cannot cancel order.

Me & bro: (Blank looks) Cannot cancel order??
Cashier: Yes, once I type in the entry then cannot cancel anymore.

Since when cannot cancel order?? We haven't even finished ordering! And it's not like they have to purposely make the food for us. It's already there sitting on the shelf even before we arrived. Plus what if she accidentally keyed in the wrong entry?? Who's going to pay for an uncancelable mistake?? Doesn't make sense AT ALL.

Well, it would have been not so bad if that was all she said. But then she had to add...

Bro: Oh then why don't you just erase the whole thing and then we reorder everything again?
Cashier: Cannot lah. Because it's YOUR fault that you order the meal, not my fault.

Next time when you are reading the menu, please don't read it out loud. Don't say things like "Hmm, the (fill in dish name) looks good hor?" Who knows if the waiter might think you actually want to order that and jot it down? Because then it will be YOUR fault, not his.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Overflow

I wish you were here
I've got so much to tell you
I don't know what to do
or even if I should do

But you've got enough
and I don't want to trouble you
Who am I to demand
when I don't even give

Do you know you make me feel
that no matter what I achieve
I should have done better
I should have tried more

Should I tell you
there's too much pressure
I don't want to do it for you
This is not my dream

I hate you for pretending
I hate you for lying
Why can't you just say
what's on your mind

Well two can play in this game
I'll go with your rules
but while we're at it
let's add a few twists

Friday, March 24, 2006

My 'Old Bean'

Clue: Circular opening Answer: H O L E
Clue: Circular opening? Answer: S E M I

Amazing how one punctuation mark can change the answer. Answers to crossword puzzle clues, that is. I've been doing crossword puzzles almost every day for the last 2 years, since I came to Drake. Yet, of the 250 plus puzzles that I've done, I've only managed to complete less than 10 without ANY form of cheating. That means not asking other people, no pure guessing, and no Googling.

Why do I do crossword puzzles? So many people have asked me that, especially my classmates in my designated "crossword-class-of-the-semester". I can't say exactly. But, one thing I know for sure, my dad was the one who introduced me to crossword puzzles......

When I was young, my dad always did crossword puzzles every morning. I think he still does, but I'm not sure. Once, the Star ran a series of articles that explained how to analyze clues. I don't know why he thought I would be interested, but he showed me the articles. My dad rarely taught me how to read clues. But every evening, after he was done with the crossword for the day, I used to look over his answers and wonder how on earth did he come up with those answers.

That was how we were. My dad never nagged me, never told me what I should and should not do, and never ever dictated how I should live my life. My dad knows when to give advice, and when to let me wander on my own. I don't share an incredibly close relationship with my dad as some people do. We don't "hang out", and some things we don't talk about. But I know my dad cares.

As I grow older, I realize that my dad and I are alike in a lot of ways. We share the same sense of humor, often laughing at the same things. We have the same temper as well, and I've gotten into a few scrapes. I wish I can spend more time with him now, but sometimes things don't work the way we want them to.

So why do I love doing crossword puzzles? Maybe because it reminds me of my dad and I want to be more like him. Or maybe I just like the challenge. The challenge of reading clues in different perspectives, thinking creatively, and honing my vocabulary. Or maybe because some classes are just too boring to listen to.

But whatever the reason, everytime I do a crossword puzzle, it reminds me of how much my dad has influenced my life. If who I am today is an assimilation of who I know and once knew, then my dad has left a Yeti-sized footprint in me.

I am my father's daughter... and proud of it.

I love you, Dad.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

they don't know...

* I was talking to a friend and suddenly all this thoughts came streaming through my head. So this is what I jotted down this morning. Not all of it is what I feel. Tried to figure out what other people might have gone through as well. *

We are the ones
For years, we dreamed of leaving the country
for a better future
and people say how lucky you are
but they don't know what it's like.

We arrive and everything is a dream
we meet new people we see a different culture
we laugh at things that we once saw only in movies
we weave our hopes into a new beginning

But soon some things fall apart
Some remain good
Some we realize are just mirages in blind hope

We learn to cook because no one will feed us what we want
We learn to be strong because there is no wall to lean on
We mourn the self that once had no cares in the world
We learn to grow up

We go home and people beam at us
We are the ones who are going places
but in our hearts we don't feel our smiles

Some of us find love in a new place
we hold hands and wonder at the chances of meeting each other so far from home
we are fascinated by people so different from what we are used to
Some dream of love far away
they don't know how it feels until they've felt it themselves
we look at other couples and we yearn
but all we can do is wait
and reminisce about the good times we had and we will have
Some lose love from afar
we cry silently and wonder
why did we strive to go so far and yet end up losing

we have seen what others dream
we yell with delight the morning after our first snowfall
they say winter is beautiful
but they have never been through a winter full of snowstorms

we earn more than people do at home and they say how good it is
but they don't know we worry too about money
this country can realize your dreams and yet it is lacking

they think we are spending our family's money
but they don't know our guilt, our gratitude and our pain
we watch their hard-earned money spent
and we vow one day to repay them
but meanwhile all we can do is say no
when they tell us not to worry and just ask if we need more

we go home and we see our friends
some have come back from afar
and when we look at each other we recognize the joy and pain of being home
we are glad to be back
but everywhere things are not the same anymore

we mourn for the things that we missed and lost
the close friendships that fade
the people and the beloved pets who have left us forever
not being there to watch our baby siblings or cousins grow up

we celebrate friendships we made
people who lived with us who know how we really behave who stood by us
we shared our joys our tears our loneliness
our friends for life who once were our closest family

in the end
we might never want to live through it twice
but if we had a chance to go back and choose
we'd walk the same road again

they don't know the tears we've cried
they don't know the tests we've tried
they don't know the joy we've had
they don't know the friends we've met

we don't know until we lost the things we took for granted
and then found them again
we have grown up
we are never the same again

Saturday, July 30, 2005

想家的感慨

昨天 Healthcare 部门有个 outing, 邀请全部 intern 一起去。 一个下午不用工作,能出去玩,公司还照样付薪水, 当然去啰!

第一次去跑马场, 我期盼了好几天。 因为场地在 Arlington,芝加哥附近的一个 suburb, 所以必须搭火车。

一路上我顾着看风景, 也懒得和别人聊天。火车从芝加哥往西北驶, 窗外的景色从城市的繁荣化成小镇的熟悉。 我仿佛看到了以前曾见过的。 小时候随家人旅行, 偶尔经过一些小镇,就如现在窗外的小镇一样。

我看到了火车路,看到陈旧的屋子,看到骑电单车的小子。 大树一棵棵闪过我的视线, 和家里的大树一模一样。 这里没有 Starbucks, 只有简单的咖啡屋。 偶尔经过的车, 是实用的日本款式。 我把身边的外国人当透明, 布告板的英文变马来文。 在心里, 我正在回家, 就如以前有一次从新加坡搭火车回到吉隆坡。

Outing 是挺好玩的, 我赌小注, 所以输不多。 马跑的时候, 使劲的喊, 赢了输了照样再赌下一场。

倒是发现厌了和美国人说笑, 很想找我的马来西亚朋友们。两年了,越来越封闭自己, 对美国人起初的好奇, 变成后来的失望, 到现在的不屑。当然这是 General Paper 常说的 over-generalization, 我不是对所有美国人都有这种感觉。

或许我思想还不够开通, 可是到最后我还是比较喜欢和同乡的人做朋友。

星期一妈咪问我想不想家, 当时我没有立刻说想, 反而说已经麻痹了。 现在觉得, 我是想家的, 我说不出, 因为已经尽我所能不去碰那个感受。 我把所有看到的尽可能都联想成马来西亚也有的一部分;眼里看到的只有家里的好,这里的不好。

两年留在美国, 物质享受这里应有尽有,可是总觉得少了一份灵魂。 至少少了以前爱讲笑话, 作弄别人, 发花痴的那个人。

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Love vs Marriage

Here's something I found on my bro's bulletin board. Thought it was a pretty nice metaphor.

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?" His teacher answered, There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one talk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love."

Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing. His teacher asked, Why did you not pick any stalk?"

Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end. His teacher then said, "And that is love."

On another day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is marriage? How can I Find it?" His teacher answered, "There is a thriving forest in front. Walk forward without turning back, and chop down only one tree. If you find the tallest tree, then you have found marriage".

Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with a tree. The tree was not thriving, and it was not tall either. It was only an ordinary tree. His teacher asked, "Why did you chop down such an ordinary tree?"

Plato answered, "Because of my previous experience. I had walked through the field, but returned with empty hands. This time, I saw this tree, and I felt that it was not bad, so I chopped it down and brought it back. I did not want to miss the opportunity."

His teacher then said, "And that is marriage. You see son, Love is the most beautiful thing to happen to a person, its an opportunity but you don't realize its worth when you have it but only when its gone like the field of stalks. Marriage is like the tree you chopped, it's a compromise."