A Letter for Santa

Dear Santa,

I might not have been sugary nice this year, but I've tried. I might have said some things I shouldn't have said, and did not say some things that I should have. I may have been unkind or selfish occasionally, and even lied once in a while. But I neither robbed nor killed, so would you please grant my requests this Christmas?

You gave me a lot this year, and I want to thank you for that. You gave me a wonderful summer and introduced me to a world I'll soon join. I've met some great people, people whom I hope will remain my friends for life. You brought me to many places, and showed me what I could achieve. You sprinkled pleasant surprises along the year, and revealed some long-lost friends as I strolled through time.

But Santa, for all your gifts, I arrive at December's door an unhappy child. You showed me the paths I could take, and I've strived to travel as far as I can. In my journey, I dropped some items in my backpack, yet I feel more burdened by the loss. I dreamt of frolicking with deers, diving into waterfalls and running with leopards, but somehow I ended up taking the shortest shortcut possible.

I wanted to do my best in whatever I did, but now I think my priorities have been terribly wrong. Although I've done well in the things I know I'm good at, I don't feel the sense of accomplishment after reaching my goals. I swore never to let my goals become my life, but I think I've been too single-minded in my pursuit. If we are climbing towards our peak in our 20s, then why is a part of me already dying?

I lost my traveling partner this year, and I can only blame myself for losing him. In the month that followed, I relived countless memories and shed silent tears. Why can't life remain simple as it was years ago? A time when choosing where to go or where to eat were the toughest decisions we made. Our map says we'll meet a fork in our journey soon, and I'm afraid that we'll take separate roads then. I cannot bear to travel further without knowing when our roads will merge again. You've been to every chimney on earth. You know the way to every place. Won't you point out how far after the fork would the two paths meet?

Dear Santa, if you do make dreams come true, won't you show me how to turn back? My backpack is starting to tear, and the items I need to fix it are lying on the road home.

This Christmas eve, I'm going to sleep early. No matter what noises I hear that night, I'll not open my eyes and catch you leaving gifts under the tree. When morning comes, I'll unwrap my gifts. Hopefully, in one of those colorful gift boxes, I'll find a new map. A map to return home.


Love,

Sheau Chin

Java Chip Frappuccinos

Here's my first attempt at a 50-word story!

This story was inspired during a long walk from Terminal 2 to Terminal 1 in Chicago O'Hare airport. There's a pretty interesting neon light sculpture in the tunnel linking those 2 terminals. The lights range from green to orange to purple. The whole thing is hanging above the walk-alator so you can look up at it. And there's some sort of music playing. It's one of those things that is supposed to have a very 'deep' meaning. Anyway, I was walking on the walk-alator, holding a Starbucks coffee, and suddenly thought of this story. Not very nice one la, but hey, can't expect much from an exhausted person waiting for her 4th delayed flight in 2 days.

I read that there's a competition by some newspaper (I think it's New York Times, but am not sure). This competition asks people to submit stories that are 50 and ONLY 50 words long, then the best stories are published. I read 2 examples, they are very very good. It is so hard to write concisely while retaining every point you want to make. Which is why the story below has a lot of missing points.

Btw, the story was not meant to be 50 words long only. But then I got tired of the story halfway through, ran out of ideas and decided people might ask me questions about it if it was too detailed. Plus I don't want another story as long as 'Elena-the-witch'. So anyway, after a super long-winded explanation of my story, here goes...


She loved Frappuccinos. He drank Espressos only and disliked Frappuccinos. They met in New York. A month later, she fell for him. He was attached, so she left for San Francisco. She couldn't forget him. She started drinking Espressos for the memories. One day they met again.

He was holding a Frappuccino.


Yes yes, corny I know.

风中的哀悼

后来还是走了。

一时狠下心来， 说走就走。

或许忙得什么都没时间想， 所以我的决定能坚持到现在。

也或许没有时间， 所以还没有好好的哀悼一下。

我自己觉得过得还好， 可是却会在外面径自发呆。

脾气比平时还要难以捉摸， 一时沉默寡言， 一时又很多话。

你还会习惯性地在晚上跟我说声晚安。

有些话我们不说了， 可时彼此还没到客客气气寒嘘几句的地步。

我想， 我还会依靠你， 直到你自己放手的那一天。

我们用泪用心用坚持换回来的点点滴滴， 如今就记忆在我们心中。

你走进我生活的第一天， 犹如往湖中间丢了一粒小石子。

波澜慢慢往外移， 我的规律也慢慢变。

但和最后又恢复平静的湖不一样的， 是从此我不会变回以前的我。

我永远都爱你， 只是我不是爱情万能主义者。

也许多几个月， 我们又会在一起了。

可是我有一种感觉， 有一天， 我们还是会分的。

四年的风风雨雨， 分分离离，注定了我们的生活永远都会纠缠着。

因为我们是两只跳不完舞的蝴蝶。

Grumble Grumble

So here I am, doing my Statistics homework in Excel without much grumbling. Completing assignments minus complaints or throwing tantrums is a rare occasion, my roommate can easily tell you that.

I started on this noble task around 9 pm. 3 questions to do, brain thinks: "hmm.. probably can finish this before body sleeps tonight." Right? WRONG!!

It is now 11.30 pm, guess how many questions have I done? 1st question finished, and 1/3 way through the 2nd one. :'(

After 1 hour of struggling with 2nd question part (i), I'm finally done.

Brain thinks again: "finally!! Ok, that stupid part (i) is done, finally can move on to part (ii)!!"

Hands grab textbook, fingers flip to correct page.

Eyes proceed to read: (ii) REPEAT PART (i) for equation (8.18)."

:S

Mouth announce that it's time for bed. Head nods.

Elena the witch

Fall break ended on Tuesday midnight last week. One of the better breaks I had, it was relaxing but not boring. If I have to be picky, I'd say it was a bit too short for my taste. But good things are better appreciated in small doses, no?

My boyfriend came over to spend Fall break with me. Our 'reunion' was done under extremely sleepy circumstances. Probably not the smartest thing to do, I stayed up till 4.30 am before going to bed, got a call from him at 6 am saying he'll be arriving in an hour, went right back to sleep at 6.01 am, and was abruptly woken up at 7 am after 22 missed calls. Yup, the day was barely awake and so was I.

I'm not gonna tell you everything we did in Fall break. :P But I will tell you the fun-nest thing we did was..... *drum rolls please* .......... carving pumpkins!!


The full moon is shining brightly. A few wisps of clouds are trying desperately to hide the moonlight, causing dancing shadows across the meadow. This meadow is no longer filled with lush grass, instead it is yellow, the yellow of dead grass and arid soil. No children come here to play anymore. No young couples stroll through the field. No happy squirrels scamper around searching for food. For it is rumored that at the edge of the meadow where the forest eagerly swallows all light, an evil witch resides.

In a village over the hill of Yorkshire, hungry wolves are gobbling up the last remains of a farmer's wife's prized chickens. She weeps over the chickens who gave her fresh eggs everyday, not knowing that on the other side of the field, werewolves are feasting on the poor farmer himself. Their howls can be heard for miles, bringing shivers down the villagers' spines.

Sitting on a stool, Elena murmurs indistinct words under her breath. She keeps looking around her hut, as though someone should appear at any moment now. "Stop kidding yourself, Elena", she thinks, "who would be here at such an ungodly hour?" Indeed, noone would. Not just because it's past midnight, but because everyone thinks she's the witch.

Elena always finds it amusing that people think she has supernatural powers. How she wish she does. Unfortunately, what she has are not magical abilities, but an intellectual mind and a deep knowledge of chemistry. The ignorant villagers claim that she brews lethal potions in her hut, chanting spells over her cauldron. Elena laughs. True, what she 'brews' can be called 'potions' if people must, but they are hardly lethal. At least not lethal enough to kill off the werewolves thus far.

The thought of werewolves causes Elena to sigh deeply. Her thoughts begin to move back through time...

When she was eleven years old, Elena was mauled by a werewolf. Thankfully she was not bitten, but the werewolf's sharp claws left a permanent scar on her pretty face. As she grew older, Elena blossomed into a beautiful young lady, but only if people looked at her right profile. She grew used to the gasps and horrorstruck faces that inevitably came each time she turned her head. Unsympathetic people ostracized her and children either ran away or hurled rocks whenever she was around. Soon, Elena preferred to be alone, at least her mind did not desert her.

Alone in her own world, Elena devoured book after book. She was fascinated by science, and obsessed with chemistry. Desertion made her empathize with other people who were similarly ostracized. Oddly, instead of harboring deep loathing for werewolves, she pitied them. They were innocent people forced to endure one night of violence and bloodthirst each month. Elena was determined to find a cure for them...

It's been months since she first arrived in Yorkshire, and still she was no closer to finding a cure for the werewolves. Every ingredient she could think of has been tested. Despair is seeping through her once optimistic mind. Time is ticking against her, she knows that every full moon that passes by means one more chance for the werewolves to discover her hiding place.

But Elena will not give up. At the top of the hill, a special flower blooms, but it is jealously guarded by the villagers. Instinct tells her she needs the flower, yet it is impossible to steal, and even more impossible to ask the villagers for it. She has been thinking about her dilemma for weeks. What should she do?

Sometimes, the best solution appears in the most unexpected manner. A few days ago, a villager stumbled upon her hut. Abraham was out hunting and injured himself by stepping on a deer trap. Elena tended to his wounds and soon an unlikely friendship began. She realized he was different from most villagers. Inquisitive and intelligent, he found out about her chemical experiments and was willing to help. To prevent the werewolves from locating her hiding place, Elena asked Abraham not to reveal her identity and intentions until they met the village leader.

Tomorrow morning they will meet the leader. Elena is excited and apprehensive. It's been very long since she last visited a village and she hopes she will not feel awkward during the meeting. Unable to sleep, she softly rehearses her little speech over and over again. "This is my chance", she thinks, "soon I'll find a cure". Elena smiles when she pictures Abraham chattering excitedly about their future experiments. She knows he has a lot of faith in her, and she knows she has finally found someone whose impression of a person's character is more than skin deep.

But she doesn't know that at this very moment, in a farm on Yorkshire where a woman weeps over her poultry, the werewolves are having a feast. A feast on her dear friend Abraham.

Silent Reflections in O'Hare

WARNING: The following paragraphs are a series of unrelated and possibly incoherent thoughts, connected only by the fact that they came one after another during a 2 1/2 hour wait for my delayed flight this afternoon.

Sometimes I wonder what people think of me when they read my blog. This holds especially for people who are complete strangers or who have not been in touch with me for a long long time. Do you see a girl who's enjoying or suffering through her emotional rollercoaster ride? Do you see a girl who's choking over all her choices or revelling in them? Do you imagine a girl who's so unsure of herself that she has to keep asking people what they think? Or do you see a girl who's notoriously bad at ending her stories? So much so that I'm not gonna finish the Hawk story. :P Well no, that's not the real reason. Not the point here anyway.

In all the infrequent occasions when I blog, I rarely mention my internship, my school life or even my daily life in general. You may know that I love using metaphors, but do you know what my major is or what I do on weekends? Probably not.

I realize I act and talk differently with different groups of people. This is not the so-called 'adapting to the environment' kind of thing. More like I hide who I really am and become this quiet, softspoken, serious person. I don't know where that person came from, but I've seen her. And it's not just at places where everyone else is being polite and serious too. I wish it didn't take me soooooooooooo much time before I get used to people and be who I really am.

I've met a lot of great people. People who I really really want to get to know well, and yet there seems to be a barrier between us. Most of the time I think this barrier is my own reluctance to open up, but how do I break it down? I want to be good friends with you, but you have to make the first move. Please.

I went to Chicago yesterday afternoon and returned to Des Moines tonight. We played whirlyball, defined by someone as 'bumper car meets basketball meets lacrosse'. Btw, any M'sians out there know what 'Lai Lai' is? It's similar to lacrosse and supposedly a very popular sport in M'sia. Why have I NEVER heard of it??

Whirlyball was so fun!! My neck is a little sore though, now it hurts when I twist it to the left. I kept getting jolted and bumped from behind by people with fast cars. A few times I was pretty sure I was this close to breaking my neck. Hehe. Luckily, I learned to look around every 5 seconds to make sure noone's planning another ambush. It was great fun though. :D

Btw, I met Daniel Radcliffe today. Name sounds familiar? It's the guy who played Harry Potter! Haha, he looked like Doraemon's friend though. I think his name is Nobita. And I told Daniel so.

3 secrets for better sex appeal

And now, I present to all men: 3 secrets to increase your sex appeal ... erm ok.. to me at least.

Do I hear groans that I, a gal, is asking for the impossible again? I'm not talking about stuff guys can't or won't do. None of the lovey-dovey stuff like planning a romantic candlelight dinner or sweeping us off our feet with a well-planned surprise. Nor am I telling you to be considerate and sensitive to our needs, listen to us when we talk, and all that blah. Nope, I am talking about 3 things you can ACTUALLY do.

So on to the first-secret-you-wish-you-knew-earlier...

1. Know how to play pool, and play it the right way.

I don't know why, but there is just something oh-so-sexy about a guy who's good at "playing with a stick and balls". Haha. Guess where I got that phrase from? Ok, before you move on to the next "secret", it is real impressive when you can pot balls like nobody's business.

Bonus: Go a step higher, and play snooker!

2. Play an instrument.

A man who can strum a guitar and sing while looking deeply into my eyes. A man indeed. :) Better yet, playing in a band is even more attractive. And you don't have to be the lead singer of a rock band or be a suave crooner. The brooding silent lead guitarist is just, if not more, appealing.

3. Drive fast and furious with a manual shift.

I love watching a guy drive with a stick shift. Watch him rev up to 140 km. Watch him shift gears in almost split second motions from 5th gear to first. It's not just the exhilaration or the excitement from driving fast. It's that feeling of knowing he's in control.

These 3 secrets were inspired from a routine walk back to my apartment after class. Along the way, I saw 2 guys playing pool in the GK lounge. (GK is another dorm.) I don't remember the guys' faces anymore, so these tricks are not fail-proof.

And if all else fails, that romantic candlelight dinner certainly helps. =P

是谁？

趁我不注意时，在平静的湖里激起了一波又一波。

一阵浪涛澎湃后， 又用小石子掀起美丽的浪花。

是谁？

在不知不觉中， 钻进思路的每一个分叉点。

太阳底下， 处处可见一个熟悉的影子。

是谁？

待我从梦里醒过， 却又带我回到九霄云外。

让我攀到戴 “雪帽” 的山顶上， 但也把我抛下不见底的山谷里。

是你。

当我以为我已看清自己， 又让我重新自省一番。

拉开了丝帘， 展露了不曾见过的一面。

是你。

明白我说的话， 更了解我不说的话。

知道我想要什么， 更懂得我需要什么。

是你。

永远都是你。

Updates About Everything & Nothing In Particular

Ok, so it seems like I haven't been blogging for a while. But before I start hearing complaints, I want to clarify that I did put up 2 entries this month, both of which have been taken down after some objections. *sigh* The "sacrifices" I make to please everyone. =P

Hmm.. haven't had a lot of free time lately. I'm still trying to get used to my new schedule with work, classes and studying for an actuarial exam while trying to squeeze in some personal time. Continuing the same internship I had last semester, right now it has a tinge of novelty to it because they moved the office. Working with the same people in the same department, and best of all I got my supervisor back, yay! Anyway that's all about my work, there should be more random comments about my internship during this semester.

Last Saturday night we had a delicious meal in a Thai restaurant called (the?) King and I. Beggars in Des Moines cannot be choosers, so when I say delicious, please imagine in relative terms. But really, it was quite good, some of the dishes were a bit on the spicy side, but I thought suffering a runny nose for the meal was well worth it.

Anyway, the meal is not the point. After dinner, a bunch of us (Wei Ming, Eric, Khushit, Amar, Sung, Freddie, Su and I) played Pictionary! Funnest game playable in GK lounge! Some revelations from the game:

When you tell your partner "要快的“, time-to-correct-guess increases.

The uglier or more incomplete your drawing is, the more likely your partner will guess it correctly (Eric has photos to prove it).

Eavesdropping on other groups makes it faster for us to get the correct answer.

Do not discard previous ugly drawings, they may prove useful in future rounds.

Easier words take longer to guess than harder / more common / longer words.

Su and I = Dream Team! And we DO NOT cheat, Eric.

I had a bad hair day last Friday. And so, in another valiant attempt to fix it once and for all, I took a trip to the first not-too-cheap-looking-but-not-too-expensive hair salon I lay my eyes on. Which means I took the one and only bus on University Avenue to Valley West Mall. The salon happened to be Regis, the place I said I would not go again, for reasons that are too stupid to repeat. Anyway, I now supposedly have "caramel brown" highlights, in case you don't know what caramel brown looks like, I have yellow highlights.

For Foxy who might have been hoping for my 5 weird habits, sorry! That is still a work in progress. =) For those who don't know, I've been tagged. Meaning I have to blog about my relatively unknown oddities. Why 5 of them? Beats me. I do know I get to tag another 5 people with blogs, so watch out! *Evil laugh*

Nostalgia

The last day of my internship. I have been spending a few hours for the past few days trying to clear stuff off my desk. Doesn't seem like I had much progress so far. I've gone through files one by one, only to pull out papers and stack them into separate piles in another corner of my cubicle. Maybe I was subconsciously stalling my progress, or maybe my desk just had too many things on it. Either way, the last day was filled with anticipation and dread at the same time. Anticipation of finding out if I got an offer or not, and dread because this day signified that the most wonderful 13 weeks just ended.

I spent a couple of hours finishing up some work, but for the rest of the day I just met people, said my goodbyes and finally managed to really clear out my desk. Since Monday, I had numerous 5-minute blank-outs where I would just stare at the monitor screen, trying to let the fact that I was leaving in a few days sink in. Today, I walked around with a knot in my stomach, a feeling that I can't exactly describe. Nostalgic of the times Emily and I chit-chatted across our cubicles, all the intern activities, absolutely delicious lunches, and getting to know people in the office (especially my intern managers and buddies!). At 5.30 pm, I grabbed my bag, took one last look at an almost empty cubicle and sadly left a place that will be etched deep with fond memories in my mind.

Recap of one crazy week

How could I have ever thought that I'm good at handling stress??! The only reason for that.. is because I haven't had real stress until now.

Up till Thursday morning, I've just been busy preparing my end-of-summer intern presentation. Super-ultra nerve-wrecking I tell you. Can you imagine 80 people showing up to see what I've done so far, and probably half of them have the power to decide whether I get a full-time offer or not. Not to mention that because of the extremely well-done presentations of yester-years, everyone has HIGH hopes for this year's interns as well. So now not only do I have to show that I do know what I've been doing for the past 12 weeks, I also have to be funny. All these while trying hard to hide how nervous I actually am.

Thankfully, everything went WELL. :) Our individual presentations were good, and I actually managed to make the audience laugh. Okay, to be honest, I'm pretty pleased with how I did. Especially since it was better than the ones I practised. But the highlight of the whole thing was our finale. A spoof of 2 movies, making fun of the interns' experience at Mercer. We parodied choice scenes from Office Space and Napoleon Dynamite, and the full-timers LOVED it.

For me, I'm just relieved that this whole unbelievably stressful episode is over. And it ended quite good after all. Seriously, I've got to have more confidence in myself. Thanks to all who told me I would do well. You know who you are. ;)



The day before our presentations, HR organized a scavenger hunt for all interns and 3 full-timers, one each from HR, Retirement, and Healthcare. It was soooooooooo fun!!!!!! We went all over downtown Chicago, finding clues, picking up random stuff, taking funny pictures and walking around like a bunch of crazy people. That day was really hot, too, and all of us ended up sweaty and plain gross.

The best thing about the Scavenger Hunt: my team managed to get into the set for a famous talk show!!! There were 2 things on the list that were high value items (meaning if we can get them, first place is almost guaranteed). One of these 2 was "infiltrate the set of one of the 2 famous talk shows in Chicago". Can you guess which 2 shows?

Okay, we didn't go to Harpo Studios, but somehow we got into the Jerry Springer Show!! My team was hanging around the lobby of NBC Tower, begging the unyielding receptionist to let us in. Then Jerry Springer's publicist came down and asked us if we were doing a scavenger hunt and if we wanted to visit the set. We said yes, and amazingly she agreed. The set looked exactly like it is on TV, except smaller. I've got photos to prove I was there. :P

So naturally, we won the competition. For that, all I got was a t-shirt that said "US Scavenger Hunt Company". *_* It did NOT even say "Best Team". Geez. Made me wish that we were worst team, at least they got pretty little trophies with golden cups and marble pedestals. Since I complained, my intern manager gave me his trophy from 2 years ago because he got the cup twice in a row. :)



Yesterday Emily (another intern who sits next to me at work) and I had a back-to-school shopping spree. I've never spent soooooooooo much money shopping at one go. We shopped and shopped and shopped for 8 straight hours. Came back super-tired but extremely happy. Spending money is the nicest thing to do in the world. :) And New York & Company has now become my favorite store. All their clothes fit me. Which is a RARE thing for me since I came to the States.

Anyway, so I've now got 14 new tops, 2 jeans, a skirt and a new watch. Did not get any shoes or bags, which I really need. Found a pair of delicious red boots yesterday, but didn't buy because I had already spent so much money. Regretting now, maybe I should go back and get them. *sigh* I need shoes. And I need work pants for winter. Hehe, finding reasons to go for another shopping spree. :P

想家的感慨

昨天 Healthcare 部门有个 outing， 邀请全部 intern 一起去。 一个下午不用工作，能出去玩，公司还照样付薪水， 当然去啰！

第一次去跑马场， 我期盼了好几天。 因为场地在 Arlington，芝加哥附近的一个 suburb， 所以必须搭火车。

一路上我顾着看风景， 也懒得和别人聊天。火车从芝加哥往西北驶， 窗外的景色从城市的繁荣化成小镇的熟悉。 我仿佛看到了以前曾见过的。 小时候随家人旅行， 偶尔经过一些小镇，就如现在窗外的小镇一样。

我看到了火车路，看到陈旧的屋子，看到骑电单车的小子。 大树一棵棵闪过我的视线， 和家里的大树一模一样。 这里没有 Starbucks， 只有简单的咖啡屋。 偶尔经过的车， 是实用的日本款式。 我把身边的外国人当透明， 布告板的英文变马来文。 在心里， 我正在回家， 就如以前有一次从新加坡搭火车回到吉隆坡。

Outing 是挺好玩的， 我赌小注， 所以输不多。 马跑的时候， 使劲的喊， 赢了输了照样再赌下一场。

倒是发现厌了和美国人说笑， 很想找我的马来西亚朋友们。两年了，越来越封闭自己， 对美国人起初的好奇， 变成后来的失望， 到现在的不屑。当然这是 General Paper 常说的 over-generalization， 我不是对所有美国人都有这种感觉。

或许我思想还不够开通， 可是到最后我还是比较喜欢和同乡的人做朋友。

星期一妈咪问我想不想家， 当时我没有立刻说想， 反而说已经麻痹了。 现在觉得， 我是想家的， 我说不出， 因为已经尽我所能不去碰那个感受。 我把所有看到的尽可能都联想成马来西亚也有的一部分；眼里看到的只有家里的好，这里的不好。

两年留在美国， 物质享受这里应有尽有，可是总觉得少了一份灵魂。 至少少了以前爱讲笑话， 作弄别人， 发花痴的那个人。

依依不舍

今天天大的消息把美丽的星期一变得乌云重重。

Intern Manager 突然说要走了，上星期五交了辞职信， 给了两个星期的通知。 可是照公司一贯的作风，很可能这几天内就必须离开。

会议室里好像突然给雷劈了一下.

我没有心理准备，所以一整天在办公室里心不在焉，满脑子想着她说的话。

相处了近乎九个星期， 说长不长， 说短不短。 可是习惯了有问题就问她，有事就找她， 没有事还是找她。 一个个子比我小的人，成了我的靠山。

对工作的了解， 差不多都是她教的。 什么做得好，什么做得不好，统统给她点出来。 Intern Manager 本来的任务就是确保我们的 internship 过得有意义，所以就自然而然地跟她接触最多。

接任的是我目前的 buddy， 他人很好， 很谈得来， 可是始终不是同样一个人。 唯一让我较感安慰的是, 她转的公司就在我们隔壁, 所以下次还有机会聚聚会, 吃午餐.

不能跟办公室里的人谈, 所以窝在心里一整天了, 一直有种想哭的感觉. 原来还算有血有肉, 不像我爸说的 "铁面无私", 呵呵.

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Haven't written in over 2 months, can't believe my first blog in summer is a sad one. But so much has happened this summer, this internship is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I don't know how else to describe Summer 2005, but it's going to be an experience I'll NEVER forget.

Reminiscence

And so it ends. Another chapter in a story that's still unfolding, full of the typical ups and downs, parallels and dissimilarities, and the usual comings and goings.

My days are counted by school semester, so it's not odd that I'm reminiscing now. Having my last final tomorrow morning, then I'll pack and leave Des Moines in the afternoon. Not to return until mid-August. Gonna miss this city? Doubt it. Ironically, I hold more attachment to Ames (city where my boyfriend attended university, about 40 mins away from Des Moines) than this place, but it's the people in Drake that I'm gonna miss.

I started this academic year by transfering to a different university, leaving behind a college with unfinished business and bittersweet memories. It's amazing how quickly we make new friends and find our own niche in a new place. There are things about Grinnell that I still and will always miss, but in its place I've found other perks.

It's always when things are about to change that we realize how comfortable we've been with our routine. Late night suppers in Spike's, walking back to Jewett after supper with a close friend, loitering outside Jewett to talk just a little bit more, looking forward to Fridays when my boyfriend picks me up, eagerly planning new recipes to try over the weekend, snuggling together while watching movies, grumbling about having to wake up early the next morning... the list can go on and on.

An entirely different chapter is coming up. I'm excited, though I must admit that I have no idea what to expect, which undoubtedly causes a little nervousness. Summer would give me a taste of the life that I'll live soon enough, though with more spoonfuls of fun and variety, and less doses of tedium and financial worries. Once again, I'll make new friends and find my own niche in a new place.

And so it begins.

Quotes from Mandarin

Had a wonderful and satisfying dinner last night in Mandarin to celebrate Ryly's birthday.

A couple of memorable quotes:

"You know something's not right when you try to cut it and it runs away" [referring to a century egg (trivia: was one of the "exotic dishes" featured in Fear Factor)]

"I feel like I cannot finish chewing this thing" [said while eating the stalk of a "choy sum"]

And to top it off, my fortune cookie's quote:

"You make people realize that there exists other beauties in the world"

I still don't know whether to take it as a compliment or insult. Hehe.

跷跷板的感觉

什么时候来的忧郁？

你说我不应该忧郁， 你说我什么都有，你说我没有理由忧郁。 我跟你说， 过一阵我就没事了。 我其实想跟你说，我忧郁的理由， 你不能明白。

你怨我把你当作理所当然， 我死死的否认了， 心里却凉了一下， 你这样想，其实有点理所当然。

什么时候你开始纵我？ 让我靠近后又把你推掉。

什么时候我的不对都变成了你的？

什么时候我的刁蛮我的有要求你一一接受？

你要的100%， 我答应了你。 你做得到我不能， 却又无心否了你。

有些东西， 不是我不想说； 有些东西， 说了出来后和心里想的受的不一样。

解释了还被误解， 倒不如不解释的好。

Good People

I met a nice person yesterday.

As some of you might know, every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday I wake up at 7 am because I have to get to work downtown by 8 am. It used to be 6.30 am when I first started my internship because I didn't know how regular the bus service was.

It turns out that the bus service in Des Moines is EXTREMELY punctual. So now I time myself so that I arrive at the bus stop about 1-2 minutes before the bus arrives. Sometimes, I see the bus coming while I'm crossing the road. That brief moment of panic when I think that I am going to miss the bus can be quite exhilarating.

Anyway, yesterday morning I dilly-dallied a bit too long in my room, and by the time I reached University Ave, the bus was already going to reach the bus stop on the other side of the road. Except this time, the stoplights were still green so I couldn't cross the road!

Now the panic was REAL. But I figured I couldn't do anything, plus I was pretty sleepy so I only stared at the bus when it passed. Didn't wave or make any sign at the bus driver. He glanced across the road and saw me, though. It crossed my mind that maybe he might recognize me and stop, but I didn't count on it. Amazingly, he did. I was still staring at the bus, and then I realized that he was waiting!

It felt really good that he was nice enough to stop and wait several minutes for me, even though I didn't ask for it. Yet another proof that there are nice people in the world, and goodness comes even when you don't expect it.

Thoughts on my Chicago trip

Been a while since I last blogged. Finally having a breather after the last few weeks of frenzy, with the standard college stuff like exams and assignments on top of some unique activities. Well actually one out-of-the-ordinary activity.

I went to Chicago last Friday. Nothing big. Just a get-together for all interns and new hires to meet up with our mentors, buddies and supervisors before summer. It was a very thoughtful gesture on the company's part. We went to watch a White Sox game (of all things, baseball?! *_*), but of course we spent most of our time talking to each other, knowing people just a little bit better.

I was a little anxious before the trip, since I know I tend to be more private when meeting groups of strangers. It turned out much better than I thought, though. Certainly helped that I had already met 3 people out of the crowd of 20-something-year-olds during my office visit. And the fact that we were all young adults really helped. I definitely wouldn't have been as at ease as I was if they were much older (i.e. age 35 and above).

On Saturday, we visited the building where the interns were going to stay during summer. Each of us gets our own studio apartment, complete with kitchen, bathroom and furnishings, another wonderful perk. The apartments were smaller than they look on the website, but the furniture was new and the rooms seem comfy to me. Am extremely looking forward to staying there now. I'm eagerly anticipating the dishes that I can make, provided I don't get tired out after working the whole day. Plus it's super downtown, so I can go shopping easily anytime I want. Oh and the Cheesecake Factory is just a block away! =D

I don't dread summer like I did half a month ago. Working full-time may not turn out to be as tedious as I thought. Especially if I become good friends with the people I work with, and the presence of other younger employees will be good. Even my internship now is more fun than before. I've been learning continuously since the first day of my internship, but sometimes new knowledge is not a sufficiently strong incentive to work, it's the people there that makes a huge difference. ;)

Time to face the Music

Been feeling off for a while now. And I can no longer attribute it to merely being in an "emotional down" phase. I wonder why I feel like this. After a brilliant March, I thought that April would bring more delight along with spring.

The first 10 days of April have shown no sign of that promise. Not that I'm going through an especially rough time, in fact, the days are no different than any other. I am happy, and yet when I'm alone, there's a kind of forlorn-ness in my mood.

I sense something ending soon. Sometimes I wish things don't have to change so quickly. I've barely enjoyed the best moments in this time, and now it's gonna end? Sure, the unknown future may be even better, but right now I choose to stick to what I know is good, thank you.

Is it just apprehension that's making me feel off? I don't dread summer, but it will be so different from what I'm used to. I'm excited, yet it's costing me 3 whole unproductive months at home. Thinking long-term, it's worth more than it costs. Doesn't stop me from wishing, though.

Anyhow, one of these days, I'm gonna face it. And finish up all the paperwork for summer that's piling up. Maybe that's the real reason for my mood. Procrastination. And its aftermath.

Ramblings

Phew! What a week! I'm glad this week is almost over. It's been an eventful 4 days, not entirely good, but not entirely bad either.

First off, Kitty and I got the room we wanted for next semester. =D The 2 days before room draw were pretty upsetting, mainly because we kept getting mis-information from people who ought to know better. Still, it all ended well. Already planning out all the slumber parties and cooking we are gonna do. Yay! It's gonna be fun having a living room and bathroom of our own. Not to mention a TV, M'sian food and bubble baths!

And I don't care what my MBTI score says, I'm definitely NOT an extrovert. Maybe I should be more open towards strangers, but ah well, that's just not me. Especially when it's a whole group of unknown people, no thank you. I feel so much more at ease when I meet one new person at a time. Otherwise, I'll stay in my own comfort circle.

I would also like to announce my humble opinions on 2 well-known phrases:

1) Honesty is not always the best policy.

2) Curiosity might not kill the cat, but it can sure hurt the feline.

I guess this week has not been particularly kind to me. Don't worry, this is the downward phase of my sinuous emotional cycle. Will be up soon!

MSN Nickname War

For self protection, I hereby warn everyone that IF i go missing next school year, you all should know that my future roommate (aka Kitty) did it.

Last night, Kitty and I had a conversation on MSN. It started off with her not liking one of my comments (about her getting married *_* ) so she decided to "shoot both the messenger and source" (phrases in quotes are cited directly from Kitty). Talk about violence.

Later she decided that "no body = no crime" so she's gonna get rid of my body if she ever kills me. (Someone's been watching too much CSI.) Apparently, motive alone without the body is not enough to convict someone of a crime, so she's gonna go mafia-style and "throw my body let alligators eat".

Then the nickname war began... (all below were our nicks on MSN)

me: Help! Non-violent roommate wanted!

Kitty: delusional roommate ran away to commit suicide! if found pls call 911

me: no no no.. Kitty did it! Mafia-style!

Kitty: future (delusional) roommate having ideas that I'm part of the Mafia

me: Kitty plotting my "disappearance" next sem

Kitty: i told you she was delusional... sigh

me: if i mysteriously disappear next sem, u know who did it

Kitty: now she's talking to her dead goldfish

me: my future roommate is mean & needs to learn better chinese (2nd half related to something else in our conversation)

Kitty: "shhh... she thinks they are after her"

Kitty again: I didn't know my room was gonna be an asylum

me: it will be... since you are there =P

Kitty: sigh... delusional roommate at it again

At which point, we agreed on a truce.

I have to admit, though, next semester is gonna be fun rooming with Kitty! (that's IF I survive to enjoy it)

April Fool!

Happy April Fool's Day!

Today has been more eventful than last year's. This morning at work, I got fooled by my friend and it wasn't until he said april fool that I realized what day it was. Then, I used his "see q" to bluff someone else, and that was GOOD! Haha! This is a guy who always bombed me so today I got my revenge. Haha. Birdman, never mind, from April 2 to March 31 you can bomb me without harm. =P Oh, and the best thing was, I even managed to escape from his comeback attempt, haha, his "sam pat"-ness made him give up his trick and listen to me talk instead. =P

But it hasn't been a nice day for some of my friends, so I hope they are feeling happier now. As the saying goes, "boat reach bridge head naturally straight".

-------------------------------------------------------------

I was thinking about the story in "Love vs Marriage" (March 31, 2005) and wondering if that is absolutely, undeniably true. Must marriage be a compromise? Can't we marry our greatest love? And then I came to a conclusion.

Memories of a "great love" usually has an incomplete ending. And it is this lack of closure that makes it so enticing, it leads us to fantasize about what could have happened if certain circumstances did not occur to separate us. Look at those sappy romantic movies, someone leaves because he has to, and the girl is left dreaming of better days.

Maybe the relationship wasn't so great while we were in it, maybe there were things you absolutely could not stand. But once it ends, and especially before we stop loving each other, then every detail is glossed over. He was a strong but gentle boyfriend, she was tender and loving. You get the idea.

So even if you marry your greatest love, with time you may forget that he is the one and only for you. Close proximity for long periods of time brings out the worst in us, and soon you may find yourself dreaming of someone more "perfect" than the one you have now. Suddenly a past lover (who supposedly did not have the irksome habits of your current half) becomes your dream guy who got away.

Then what if you meet your "dream guy" again after marriage? Or even after you become attached to someone else? If love is about not appreciating what you have when you have it, what should you do if you do get a second chance?

Even if I do take a second chance, it will be an endless cycle of relationship hopping. I would forever be second guessing myself if he is the right one for me, and to what end? I agree with the story, you never know until it's gone. So why not appreciate the one you have now, and forget thoughts like "maybe there's someone else better out there"?

An eagle has flown far away, but as a friend once told me, other eagles will appear. Some black some white and some in between. =P But it doesn't mean that I have to fly as high as I can. Sometimes the best things in life can't be seen until you have both feet on the ground. And besides, hummingbirds get easily blown away by the wind if they fly too high.

Love vs Marriage

Here's something I found on my bro's bulletin board. Thought it was a pretty nice metaphor.

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?" His teacher answered, There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one talk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love."

Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing. His teacher asked, Why did you not pick any stalk?"

Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end. His teacher then said, "And that is love."

On another day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is marriage? How can I Find it?" His teacher answered, "There is a thriving forest in front. Walk forward without turning back, and chop down only one tree. If you find the tallest tree, then you have found marriage".

Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with a tree. The tree was not thriving, and it was not tall either. It was only an ordinary tree. His teacher asked, "Why did you chop down such an ordinary tree?"

Plato answered, "Because of my previous experience. I had walked through the field, but returned with empty hands. This time, I saw this tree, and I felt that it was not bad, so I chopped it down and brought it back. I did not want to miss the opportunity."

His teacher then said, "And that is marriage. You see son, Love is the most beautiful thing to happen to a person, its an opportunity but you don't realize its worth when you have it but only when its gone like the field of stalks. Marriage is like the tree you chopped, it's a compromise."

Missing friends

Why is it that right after I write one blog entry, I will suddenly feel like writing another one?

Anyway I have decided that this space is gonna be my diary, and if everything goes as planned, there should be an entry per day, unless it's an ultra boring day, or if it's too personal.. hehe.

Been feeling weird today, don't know why. For no particular reason, too, it's just a general feeling. I think it's probably because I've been so happy the past 2 days, so I have to feel a bit off today to balance things.

Am also thinking back to all my friends that I rarely contact anymore. *sigh* All this school-hopping that I've done for the past 4 years is not good for friendships. Can't seem to stay in a place long enough to make many really really close friends. Plus, I don't like writing emails and my replies are extremely sporadic, so how to keep in contact leh? Which reminds me, I need to reply two people ASAP.

I miss the animal & vegetable gang. Now there's mamak back home WITHOUT me. How unfair is that? With the time difference, I don't even see most of the gang online anymore. Well, I guess we've drifted apart since we left high school. What with people spending more time with their other halves (I take the blame!), going to different colleges, different states / countries or working full-time, it's just hard to find time when all of us are free. But I just want you people to know, there'll ALWAYS be the animal & vege gang, and we MUST meet up when I go back yah?

There are other people that I wanna talk about. Friends I met after I left M'sia, who, in their own way, brought something unique to my life. I miss you foxy, for putting up with me in JC2, for going shopping with me, for your good food and for listening. I need a roommate like you here, no wait, I want you to be my roommate again. =)

Okay before I go on, I must clarify something. I'm NOT saying my future roommate is bad okay? I think it's gonna be fun rooming with "kacang", but me saying the last sentence in the previous paragraph has no bearing on what I think of my future roommate. Anyway, "kacang" will appear again later in this blog. =P

Also wanna say I miss you iceduckling! Hehe, I know you read my blog, and I keep missing you online, so just want to tell you here. One of the few "out strong inside gentle" gals in my life. Had an awesome time in Hong Kong with ya. Remember Edison Chen and "ding dong"? ;) I hope everything's working out wonderfully for you!

Another "out strong inside gentle" gal I met in Grinnell. My ex-roommie! Okay, I owe you one super-long email for being so late. I miss you, too! Was fun living with you, remember when everyone thought "weird" about you and me.. haha. We need to play charades at least once! Mebbe when I visit you in Grinnell some day.. wonder when that would happen?

Last but not least, my fellow Drakulians! Haha, this is what I named the group of Drake students on my MSN. I don't miss them now, since I see them EVERYDAY in class and for dinner. But I just want to tell other people about the M'sians (& non-M'sians) here. Oh, and I just realized that there's almost an animal group here, except it was inspired by the bird story so doesn't really count. And the animals are made up by miss "kacang". Anyway, I think there's 5-6 of us here that hang out a lot, and we are very "ngam key".

hmm.. so the people I've mentioned are mostly gals. Doesn't mean I don't miss my guy friends. But since a certain person might read my blog, you all "heart know stomach clear" can lah hor? ;) we are FRIENDS only ah.

Okay, I need to sleep, even though it's only 10.42 pm here. I have to wake up at 6.45 am tomorrow. Have to go work. It's worth it, though. Good night!

Weather gal

It's gonna be April! And it's time for another spring! Having established that I am a weather gal, which means my mood is strongly affected by the weather, it's been a happy 2 days for me this week. The sun is up, the temperature is in the 70s, and I get to wear skirts. Not warm enough for bikinis, though, not like I would have worn one anyway.

I wonder if this mood swing is typical of Sagittarians, since another Archer has just agreed that this happens to him, too. I get depressed during winter, preferring to hide indoors most of the time and generally not being very energetic. By March, I'm completely ecstatic, laughing and enjoying anything that comes my way.

This happened last spring, too. Is it because the weather is getting better, or that it takes me until spring to feel more belonging to the new place I'm in? Or is it because I'm happier during spring that I become more sociable, and so I meet new friends and establish closer relationships with existing ones?

I probably won't know the answer until next spring, since I'll be in the same college again next year. One thing's for sure, after this June, I'll definitely be looking forward to next spring.

Finale

(continued from The Eagle & The Hummingbird, March 7, 2005)

Shelly looked up. It was a beautiful morning, the sun was shining and the pale blue sky was dotted with fluffs of cottony clouds. Squirrels were scampering across the field, chasing one another from one tree to the next. Flowers were beginning to blossom everywhere, and there hadn't been any sign of snow for weeks. Shelly smiled. Spring had arrived.

Unfortunately, Shelly had no time to linger. She had to finish an assignment, which she conveniently forgot until she woke up this morning, 3 hours before the deadline. To make things worse, it was turning out to be harder than she expected. This morning, Shelly rushed to the library the minute the doors opened, hurriedly grabbing books for her research.

She ran back as fast as possible, stopping for a brief moment to inhale the sweet scent of spring. "Tulips!", she thought with joy, spotting her favorite flowers in the garden near her dorm entrance. Grumbling to herself, Shelly reluctantly peeled her eyes off the purple flowers and raced up to her room.

No sooner had she opened the first book, then Shelly heard a familiar noise outside her room. "Oh no, not again", she moaned, "how many times does he have to do that?". Thoroughly exasperated, Shelly leaned out her window and yelled, "Shut up you freak! It's 7am! Go to SLEEEEEP!!"

The noise stopped, temporarily. Cursing under her breath, Shelly tried to concentrate on her work. The research was interesting, to her at least, noone else understood what Shelly found fascinating about biology. But, even she couldn't deny that the assignments were tough. And this time she had to write a 3-page paper on animal behavior.

Deciding to take the easy way out, Shelly turned to the most convenient source for information, the Internet. She Googled for her topic, "hummingbirds". Within seconds, she found what she needed. Relieved, Shelly leaned back on her chair, savoring the moment. Something caught her eye. It was a link to somebody's blog.

"Why not? I've got time to spare", Shelly thought. She clicked on the link and read the girl's diary. The more she read, the more Shelly was struck with disbelief. As soon as she finished the last word, Shelly raced out of her room, through the dorm hallway, down the stairs and out the door.

And exactly as she expected, she found him. There he was, the owl that disrupted her sleep with his hooting, the owl she yelled at every morning. But it wasn't him that she wanted to look for. "Where are you?", Shelly wondered. She looked more carefully, using the owl as her guide. And she finally saw her among the tulips. For a brief moment, Shelly saw.. the little hummingbird.

At that instant, Shelly understood the owl. Contrary to what she knew about owls, this owl didn't return to his perch in the morning after his nightly forage. But he wasn't a freak as Shelly had thought. The owl was just spending time with the hummingbird.

Shelly looked up. This time she wasn't looking at the dawn of early spring. She scanned the skies for a long time, and then she knew, that there was no eagle now. Only the owl and the hummingbird.

THE END

Déjà Vu

Is it just me, or is it spring fever?

Someone asked me why I chose to write the "bird story" now, when the waves are finally subdued, and the thunderstorm has passed. Jokingly, I said I finally thought of a reasonable metaphor for the entire episode. But the question got me thinking, after all this time, why now?

I knew the answer all along, I just didn't realize it. Like it or not, Spring 2005 is painted, in broad strokes, with the same colors of Spring 2004. There are other hues in my palette of events this semester, especially actuarial-related activities; but there is also a familiar theme to it all.

With amusement, I noticed the similarity of both; with trepidation, I watched each day unfold. Is it because I wanted to see the pattern, that I found a traceable pattern? Or is it really happening?

Déjà vu has struck, and it has made me relive the memories of a year ago. As uninvited as it may be, I'm hoping that, by the end of this semester, the unwritten finale will unfold itself.

The Eagle & The Hummingbird

(continued from The Owl & The Hummingbird, Feb 27)

Perhaps hoping to find salvation from her doubts, the hummingbird embarked on a journey of self-discovery. She traveled far, further than she had ever flown, to a land never before seen by hummingbirds. She met many strange creatures, saw many breathtaking sights and darted among many unknown flowers.

Of her memories of that foreign land, one particularly stood out, not just because it was memorable, but for the ripples that this experience produced in her lake of troubles. It was a memory that will remain while almost all else fades, for it brought her closure in an unexpected way. Neither entirely joyful, nor entirely sad; it was, at the very least, a memory with a question.

She met an eagle.

An eagle not like any other, but an eagle who taught her to soar high above the clouds; an eagle who showed her another view of the world, not just peeking between the most alluring flowers, but from above the tallest trees; an eagle with a completely different way of living.

The hummingbird was enthralled. At that moment, she wanted to leave everything behind. Innocently, she thought she could start afresh in that new place, where noone knew her past, and noone cared.

Back home, the owl knew something was going very wrong. The hummingbird had promised him that she would return after one week. A week went by but there was no sign of her. Thinking that she might be delayed and hoping for the best, the owl patiently waited. When ten days passed without a trace of the hummingbird, the owl decided to search for her.

Soon, the owl also arrived at that strange land. When the hummingbird revealed her intentions, the owl was crushed. He tried to make her realize what a big mistake she was making. Despite her protests, the owl insisted on remaining with the hummingbird until she was willing to return.

The hummingbird's journey was proving to be a bigger dilemma. Instead of easing her worries, her trip brought more doubts. In a foreign land with strangers, the hummingbird had noone else to turn to but herself. She thought long and hard, her mind working like a pendulum, swinging from one decision to another.

She knew, by now, how much the owl truly loved her. And she wondered if she would ever find another bird who loved her as much as the owl did.

She wondered if she would ever find another bird who would understand her as well as the owl did, or another bird that she would understand just as she understood the owl.

She wondered if she was taking a worthwhile risk.

And all through her wonders, there was that one question that made her memory what it was.

"To stay or not to stay?"

(continued in Finale, March 19, 2005)

The Owl & The Hummingbird

Once upon a time, the owl and the hummingbird were lovers. As we all know, the owl is active at night but sleeps in the morning. The hummingbird is the exact opposite, flitting among flowers by day and returning to her nest when night arrives. Yet, in spite of their differences, they loved each other dearly and spent as much time together as they possibly could in the early hours of dawn.

There was only one potential problem. The hummingbird disliked birds who killed other animals that were not part of the natural food chain. Back in those days, the owl only hunted rats, helping farmers to control these pests. The owl knew that the hummingbird did not want him to hunt chickens, which were a source of livelihood for the farmers. He solemnly promised her that he would never kill chickens. Happily trusting him, the hummingbird never once questioned his promise...

...until one day, when she discovered some chicken remains in his nest. She confronted him and he immediately confessed that rats were scarcer recently, so he resorted to taking some chickens from the nearest farm. However, he assured her that he took only enough chickens to satisfy his hunger. Heartbroken, the hummingbird felt betrayed.

Bit by bit, the hummingbird found out more about his habit. It had been going on for almost a year. Shocked that she never realized this change and that he could keep it from her for so long, the hummingbird was crushed. She contemplated breaking off their relationship. Yet, she loved the owl very much and she knew that besides this recent discovery, their relationship had been almost perfect.

The owl promised her that he would stop hunting chickens immediately. Although she did not trust him as much as before, she decided to forgive him. Soon, she forgot about the incident and they became closer than before. The hummingbird innocently believed that the owl had successfully changed his habits..

.. but she should have known that it was too good to be true. Within half a year, she came across evidence to the contrary. The hummingbird was devastated. The owl again confessed, and explained that it was difficult for him to immediately stop hunting chickens, because his hunger was intolerable. He promised that he would stop when rats were more abundant, but for now, there was nothing he could do.

The hummingbird reacted more calmly this time. She did not threaten to leave the owl, instead she accepted his explanation and reassured him that she understood his situation.

Yet, the hummingbird was beginning to realize that things will never change, not even in the future when there may be more rats. She knew that she will never see him hunting chickens at night, but that she would get very upset everytime she finds some evidence about his hunting activities.

She wondered if getting upset once in a while is a worthy reason for leaving the owl.

She wondered if the relationship would ever be mended again, if there was always an issue of trust hanging in the air.

She wondered if she will ever trust him to keep a promise again.

She wondered what else he might be hiding from her, and she knew that she might never find out, given his skill at covering up his tracks.

She wondered if she should give up, if there might be some other bird out there who was more suited for her.

She wondered if she should expect the owl to change for her.

She wondered if she was expecting too much.

She wondered and she wondered.. and still she did not know what to do...

(continued in The Eagle & The Hummingbird, March 7)

In this case...

Maclaurin's Theorem, for an odd reason, will forever be funny to me.

I nearly laughed out loud in stats class this morning over a memory of my Singapore days. Prof. Parsa mentioned briefly about a formula, which as I recall, is linked to the Maclaurin's Theorem.

When I was studying in Singapore, one of my Math lecturers had a weird habit. Her lectures were dotted with "in this case"s. And I mean that she sprinkled that phrase liberally EVERYWHERE. She, in this case, had to say the 3, in this case, "magic" words at least, in this case, several times in one sentence.

Her habit was a constant source of jokes in class. We often tried to keep track of how many "in this case"s she said in a 1 1/2 hour lecture. One of the other classes actually made a pact to do a "human wave" in class IF she ever exceeded 200 "in this case"s. She did reach the target, but I never got to see the "human wave".

As time went on, her "motto" ceased to bug me, and soon I barely noticed the 3 special words anymore. However, the highlight of her lectures came late during my stint in Singapore, when she said..

"For this example, we will use, in this case, the Maclaurin's, IN THIS CASE, Theorem..."

which led me to wonder how many other "Maclaurin's" are there?

信任与原则

原来信任比原则重要。

整天说做人一定要有原则。 假如原则和情相撞，你选那一个？

可以为了守一个原则而翻脸？ 还是为了守一份情而舍弃原则？

为了一个人，推翻以前说的话， 我一点也不后悔。

可惜我对你的信任，就这么少了一点点。

more than Elated!

Just got a call from Nana Ofori, a Drake graduate who gave a presentation about Mercer the night before their on-campus interviews, but was not involved in the interviews.

Anyway he called me up just to tell me that they are gonna invite me for a home visit and that I should expect an email from their campus recruiter soon.

WOOHOO!!!! My first good news after the interviews, and hopefully not the last. ;)

To say I'm elated right now is an understatement, I feel like a writer standing in a bookstore, watching someone buy his first published work.

My Ambition

Sometimes life is kinda tiring, or at least I can fill it up with stuff that makes it tiring.

Perhaps I'm trying to do too much, should at least leave some down time for myself.

But then again, being busy feels good sometimes.

Although I think I'd rather laze around and do watever interests me at the moment.

My ultimate goal in life is to get someone to take care of me,

and let me do what I want, when I want, and how I want,

ie. be a "shao nai nai".. haha!