Are you meant for me?

(I just remembered I made a list of "blogs-to-come" at the right column and I NEVER did write any of those. It's about time I start clearing the list. So here goes the first entry...)

Classic-but-highly-delusional-version:

Everyone has someone and only one who is meant for them.

Modified-and-more-realistic-version:

There are ten people out there for every person. If you are lucky enough to find one out of these ten, then you would live together happily ever after.

Note: These ten people are ranked in order. For example, the #1 person for Daniel Wu (which is me of course) is most meant to be with Daniel Wu. His #2 person, let's say her name is Sheau Chin (oh wait that's still me but what do you care), is the next most compatible with him. And so on. The ranking is reciprocal too. So whoever happens to be Daniel Wu's #5 person (which is probably still me) will have Daniel Wu on her list as #5.

A while back, I was talking to a friend about this. I asked her if she believed that she would find the right person for her. The modified version was what my friend told me. She didn't believe that there was only one person for her, she believed there was ten.

So I asked her if she did find one of them, would she know that he is the one meant for her. Or would she always be guessing? She said when she meets him, she would just instinctively know that he is one of the ten. Gut feeling.

So I asked her again, what if she meets 2 of them at the same time? Which one would she pick? Or worse, what if she was lucky enough to meet more than 2 at the same time? What now? That was why she came up with that ranking system. So she would just pick the one that's higher up on the compatibility ladder.

Then I asked her if that meant she would also instinctively know which one is ranked higher? At which point she said yes and told me to zip it.

That discussion happened a few months ago. At first, I agreed with her. Well maybe not ten people exactly, but a few people somewhere out there who were meant for me. Who, when we meet, would spark a fire so strong that it would take a lifetime and then a bit more to burn out.

I've had some time to mull over that discussion. And no.. I don't believe that there are people who are simply born to be meant for each other for life. Maybe there are people who are especially compatible with each other, but the level of compatibility can change with time.

People change. Our tastes, our hobbies, our goals, our desires, our interests. We change everyday. And with that, what we need from other people. So yes, there may be ten people who are just right for me now. But will we be right for each other forever? Who knows? Maybe when we change, we don't change in the right direction. So in that set of ten people, 5 of them are not compatible with me anymore. And because of changes, another 5 who were not in the list gets added.

I believe that at certain times in life, there are certain people (note not just one) who are more likely to fall in love. And when I move to a different stage in life, hopefully we will still be right for each other. But it's not a must. It's not a fact. It's not for sure. So if we change and we find that we are holding on just because and it's not working even though we tried, then it's time to let go. Maybe we'll lose a lover but gain a confidante, or maybe we'll find that even as friends we don't click anymore.

Do I believe that I'll find someone who would grow with me? I don't know. It doesn't hurt to hope. But I know I'm not ready yet. Have I already met the one who's right for me now? Who knows? Oh that's another thing, I don't believe I can instinctively tell that someone's the one for me. Guess I have no gut feelings. But I do know one thing... Daniel Wu's on my list no matter what.

Still Alive...

It's April already!

Didn't fool anyone on April 1st though. Thought about it, but couldn't think of a good trick to play on people. April Fool's Day just isn't the same as it was back in the good ol' high school days. Back then we really had to be careful every single second of the day. Now I barely remember that it was April Fool's Day.

Anyway here comes April! Dawn of spring, beginning of a fresh month, start of the second quarter and........... a new hair color! I got red highlights! :D Love it! It's kind of like my hair color in the beginning of last year, but I can't really remember that color anymore. Now my hair is brown with a just a little red under white light, but under yellow light... it's quite red. Love it under yellow light. Wish it was red under all kinds of light. I will probably make it even redder the next time I go for touch ups. And nope, no photos to show. Too lazy.

I went to watch a piano performance yesterday with a bunch of my friends. Performed by Sa Chen. She was amazing. She played this one song (don't remember the title anymore, I seem to not remember a lot of things nowadays), it was so sad.. my eyes were watering just listening to it. So kua huh? But it's true. I miss playing my piano. Not that I'm very good, but still.

Oh, and Saturday I went to watch Blades of Glory. Wasn't something that I actually planned on watching. After dinner, my friend and I were thinking of going out somewhere and I didn't want to go a bar anymore (because of reasons I'll explain below), so we decided to watch a movie. And Blades of Glory looked the most appealing. It's quite funny, in a guy sort of way. Definitely a feel good movie.

It's kinda sad that Blades of Glory was the most appealing movie though. But I was watching all the trailers... and there's so many movies I want to watch starting in May!!!!! Sooooooo many movies!! I cannot remember what movies already but I know there's a lot. Because after every single trailer I would lean over to my friend and say I've GOT to watch that movie. After every SINGLE trailer. And now I can only remember Spidey 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean.

(Side note: "I don't remember" is a recurring theme in this blog. My memory is failing. Time to buy some gingko balobas.)

Ok, time to write about last Friday. So I went to get highlights after work and left the salon around 8 pm. Joined my friends for Happy Hour after that. Was "happy" for about 2.5 hours and everything went downhill from then on. I mean seriously downhill. I think it was because 1) I didn't have anything to eat since 9 am that morning so had an empty stomach and 2) I mixed drinks again. Why do I never learn NOT to mix drinks? Why? Why why why? Why do I have to gulp down every single drink that other people give me? That's it, no more drinks for this girl here. Well.... at least until the end of this month. :D

This is going to be another great month. I can feel it already!

Philosophical Questions

Philosophical question:

Which is worse? Having too many expectations? Or having none at all?

I think expectations are a scary thing.

What I've never had, I won't yearn for. What I've never done, I won't miss. But once something happens, maybe a few times or maybe just once, I'll learn to expect it.

And when it doesn't happen again, it'll throw me off. I'll get restless and impatient. Waiting for it to happen soon, and for as long as it doesn't, it'll affect my mood.

But when it does, it'll make me happy all day.

So my mood yo-yos from one end to the other end all the time. Which is fun when it's on the high end, not so fun when it's on the low side.

Which brings me to philosophical question 2:

Would you rather.. be ecstatically happy one week but feel down the next? Or feel neutral all the time?

I would definitely pick the first one. No doubt about it.

Yeah, feeling down is not fun. But the week where I'm ecstatically happy more than makes up for it.

I have mood swings. That's an established fact since a million years ago.

So there are times when I feel really really really happy. When I can't stop smiling and I just feel like telling everyone that I'm very happy. But why am I happy? Sometimes I don't even know. I just am. :D

Then sometimes I will feel a bit blue. For no particular reason at all too. Cause personally, I don't think anything bad really happens to me that often. It's not like I'm sad, just feels a bit off. A bit detached from the world. Don't feel like talking to people as much. I want to be alone but I also want to tell someone about it.

But I know soon enough, I will hit the "ecstatic phase" again. And then everything will be fine once more.

Beautiful Days

It's the first day of spring!!!

The weather is very nice nowadays (yes I know it's not as nice as Miami.. people who are in Miami right now are not allowed to leave comments about the nice-ness of Miami's weather). About 17-23 degrees Celcius.

Perfect weather outdoors.. not so perfect indoors. It's quite warm in my office. I think they are fixing the air-conditioning or something. If only I have a laptop... I would go work in the park. It's so nice to get out of the office and feel the breeze. Ahhhhh. Yes, I know not as nice as Miami. I said no comments!

Nothing much to write about recently. Life is mainly about work, work and more work. Well... that and learning Spanish, chatting with friends, catching up on Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy (which is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G btw), and going to my friend's house for dinner and pool on Saturday.

Oh, and did I say that I went to pilates class last Monday? :D First time since I got my gym membership in January. Yep, I paid for 2 months without going once. Didn't even step into the gym until last Monday. I paid $90 just to go to that one class. Have to go more often already. Since the weather is getting better, I have no excuse not to walk outside anymore.

I wish they had more fun classes though.. like Stripperobics! My colleague said her gym had that class.. wouldn't that be fun? I mean err.. interesting. I'm err.. guessing that it would be a good workout?? Not that I would know much about what strippers do. *innocent look*

Spanish 101

Phrases I learnt so far using the Rosetta Stone software:

• El carro es rojo. (The car is red.)
• La niña está corriendo. (The girl is running.)
• El hombre viejo tiene pelo blanco. (The old man has white hair.)
• Un caballo (a horse)

Uh huh right. These will be so incredibly helpful if I ever get stuck alone in Latin America.

On the other hand... phrases I learnt from my colleagues:

• Buenas dias (Good morning)
• Deseo... (I desire...) as in Deseo un hombre (I desire a guy. Kekekeke.)
• Lo siento (I am sorry)
• De nada (You're welcome)
• Socorro! (Help!)
• Yo no sé (I don't know)

And the most important phrase of all...

Quiero una cerveza por favor?

Which.. after saying it 3-4 more times.. would likely lead to..

Dime un beso? ;)

当局者迷

我想我是想念你了。

不见你一两天，心情开始有点郁闷。

是什么原因让我想念你呢？

是我真的喜欢你吗？

还是因为我认识的人不多，又和你谈得来，所以特别想和你出去玩？

有点混乱。

到底喜欢不喜欢你呢？

是纯粹想要有个人依靠？

是因为一起玩时我很开心？

是因为难得在这里找到一个和我谈得来的朋友？

还是真的喜欢你？

又有谁可以说清什么原因就是喜欢，什么原因只是寂寞。

有时候会喜欢上一个人，是环境促成的。

在我心情最低落时，你刚好给了我依靠的感觉。

在我想出去玩却不知道找谁时，你刚好约我一起出去。

我随口提起一个我一直想去却从来没机会去的地方， 你第二天带我去了。

你陪我聊天，逗我玩。

所以慢慢地越来越想着你。

曾经说不能怕受伤害，可是终究是不敢的。

所以我把感觉藏起来，因为不想听到不想听的答案。

但是我想就算我把感觉藏起来，你看得出的。

至少我觉得身边的人看得出。

或许当局者迷吧，可是我猜不透你在想什么。

你喜欢不喜欢我呢？还是只把我当成好朋友而已？

不想问，可是暧昧太久，我开始心急了。

我是要走一步看一步的。

但愿我的耐力能够坚持下去。

Busy Bee

I've been busy!

Worked last weekend... again. Had a deadline on Monday, so once again here I am in the office trying to finish it up on time. I have to work on this meeting deadline thing... I'm sure working long hours cuts down my life span somehow.

So I'm in desperate need of a weekend. Since February it's been "work 12 days, rest 2 days, work another 12 days, rinse and repeat". Luckily I don't have to worry about exams for a while. At least not until early April.

The good thing is.. I get overtime pay! So I got an ipod Nano to reward myself. Love it so much. Yeah yeah, I know I have been saying I won't get an ipod. But err.. needed mp3 player mah. And if use phone as mp3 player, will use up battery very quickly. Keke. I got the red color one. It's pretty. Everyone who doesn't have one... go get one now!!!

Last Saturday I went to my colleague's house to play poker. I won some moo-lah! :) Got some pretty good cards for my last few hands. So yup, just about covered my meals for the week.

Oh I'm learning Spanish now! Cause you know, just in case I meet a Spanish hunk, I've got to make sure I know what he means when he asks me out on a date. Keke, just kidding. I'm learning Spanish because it's useful. Uh huh, that's right. Spanish hunk possibility was not a consideration.

I bought a learning package from Rosetta Stone. Spanish Level 1. And we started a "language corner" in the 6 cubicles around me. Everyday we post up a piece of paper on the wall with 3 phrases. One in basic Spanish, one in basic Chinese (complete with pinyin) and one for English slang. I think I learned more from those pieces of paper than from Rosetta Stone. But that's probably because I've only done 2 lessons.

But then didn't have time to do more lessons because... I've been busy mah.

So yeah, the moral of this blog entry is... I've been busy. But hopefully not crazy busy for too long!