My 'Old Bean'

Clue: Circular opening Answer: H O L E
Clue: Circular opening? Answer: S E M I

Amazing how one punctuation mark can change the answer. Answers to crossword puzzle clues, that is. I've been doing crossword puzzles almost every day for the last 2 years, since I came to Drake. Yet, of the 250 plus puzzles that I've done, I've only managed to complete less than 10 without ANY form of cheating. That means not asking other people, no pure guessing, and no Googling.

Why do I do crossword puzzles? So many people have asked me that, especially my classmates in my designated "crossword-class-of-the-semester". I can't say exactly. But, one thing I know for sure, my dad was the one who introduced me to crossword puzzles......

When I was young, my dad always did crossword puzzles every morning. I think he still does, but I'm not sure. Once, the Star ran a series of articles that explained how to analyze clues. I don't know why he thought I would be interested, but he showed me the articles. My dad rarely taught me how to read clues. But every evening, after he was done with the crossword for the day, I used to look over his answers and wonder how on earth did he come up with those answers.

That was how we were. My dad never nagged me, never told me what I should and should not do, and never ever dictated how I should live my life. My dad knows when to give advice, and when to let me wander on my own. I don't share an incredibly close relationship with my dad as some people do. We don't "hang out", and some things we don't talk about. But I know my dad cares.

As I grow older, I realize that my dad and I are alike in a lot of ways. We share the same sense of humor, often laughing at the same things. We have the same temper as well, and I've gotten into a few scrapes. I wish I can spend more time with him now, but sometimes things don't work the way we want them to.

So why do I love doing crossword puzzles? Maybe because it reminds me of my dad and I want to be more like him. Or maybe I just like the challenge. The challenge of reading clues in different perspectives, thinking creatively, and honing my vocabulary. Or maybe because some classes are just too boring to listen to.

But whatever the reason, everytime I do a crossword puzzle, it reminds me of how much my dad has influenced my life. If who I am today is an assimilation of who I know and once knew, then my dad has left a Yeti-sized footprint in me.

I am my father's daughter... and proud of it.

I love you, Dad.

我的知音.. 你在哪里？

那天我不开心。 一整天一直郁郁寡欢， 不想和人讲话，亦没有心情说笑。 你临睡前在 msn 上送我一朵花。 简简单单的意思， 让我心暖了。 你没有问我为什么不开心， 也没有试着开导我。 就一朵花， 传达了你的关心和真挚的友谊。 不管时间把我们的距离拉得多遥远， 我们永远是朋友。 我没有告诉你， 可是我要你知道， 你那天的关心， 我领会了。 谢谢你。


近几天我在想着你。 想着我们曾经是很密的朋友。 想着我们晚上熬夜不睡， 就为了通电话。 我记得我们什么都谈， 你的生活哲， 我的观念。 就因为你有很不一样的观点， 你令我好奇。 有个朋友告诉我， 喜新厌旧的习惯要改。 对，是要改。 我不是不想和你作好朋友了， 只是我们之间似乎有一层隔膜。 你在想什么？ 我想重回以前那段日子。


我刚来美国的几个月， 你陪我逗我。 我男朋友不在， 我孤单的日子， 也是你陪我逗我。 短短几句话， 你能逗得我很开心。 有一段时间， 我自己都迷糊了。 或许你不知道， 我也不肯定， 可是我想你曾救了我的感情。 你爱说笑， 有时我不能分什么是真什么是假。 可是你忠于朋友， 就算你不认， 这个我看得一清二楚。


我们认识一年了吧。 你是个很热情的朋友， 我觉得我不是。 你帮了我好多， 就算我整天炸你， 心底还是感谢你的友谊。 有时你明白我在想什么， 明白到我自己都不爽。 整天点出我的心事， 做什么啦！ ：P 不过能认识你， 是我的幸福。 你认识我， 是你前生修的福。


我的知音。。 你在哪里？

they don't know...

* I was talking to a friend and suddenly all this thoughts came streaming through my head. So this is what I jotted down this morning. Not all of it is what I feel. Tried to figure out what other people might have gone through as well. *

We are the ones
For years, we dreamed of leaving the country
for a better future
and people say how lucky you are
but they don't know what it's like.

We arrive and everything is a dream
we meet new people we see a different culture
we laugh at things that we once saw only in movies
we weave our hopes into a new beginning

But soon some things fall apart
Some remain good
Some we realize are just mirages in blind hope

We learn to cook because no one will feed us what we want
We learn to be strong because there is no wall to lean on
We mourn the self that once had no cares in the world
We learn to grow up

We go home and people beam at us
We are the ones who are going places
but in our hearts we don't feel our smiles

Some of us find love in a new place
we hold hands and wonder at the chances of meeting each other so far from home
we are fascinated by people so different from what we are used to
Some dream of love far away
they don't know how it feels until they've felt it themselves
we look at other couples and we yearn
but all we can do is wait
and reminisce about the good times we had and we will have
Some lose love from afar
we cry silently and wonder
why did we strive to go so far and yet end up losing

we have seen what others dream
we yell with delight the morning after our first snowfall
they say winter is beautiful
but they have never been through a winter full of snowstorms

we earn more than people do at home and they say how good it is
but they don't know we worry too about money
this country can realize your dreams and yet it is lacking

they think we are spending our family's money
but they don't know our guilt, our gratitude and our pain
we watch their hard-earned money spent
and we vow one day to repay them
but meanwhile all we can do is say no
when they tell us not to worry and just ask if we need more

we go home and we see our friends
some have come back from afar
and when we look at each other we recognize the joy and pain of being home
we are glad to be back
but everywhere things are not the same anymore

we mourn for the things that we missed and lost
the close friendships that fade
the people and the beloved pets who have left us forever
not being there to watch our baby siblings or cousins grow up

we celebrate friendships we made
people who lived with us who know how we really behave who stood by us
we shared our joys our tears our loneliness
our friends for life who once were our closest family

in the end
we might never want to live through it twice
but if we had a chance to go back and choose
we'd walk the same road again

they don't know the tears we've cried
they don't know the tests we've tried
they don't know the joy we've had
they don't know the friends we've met

we don't know until we lost the things we took for granted
and then found them again
we have grown up
we are never the same again

雨慨 (Lament of the Rain)

樱树枯萎 雨继流，
落花没意 水无情；
闪电交叉 雷欲羞，
雨过天晓 再幻晴。

Reader: "What the??! What does that mean????"

Just curious.. what do YOU think this means?


For the non-Malaysians, non-Chinese, bananas and semi-bananas, here's a terrible translation:

Sakura tree dying rain still pouring;
Fallen flowers no meaning water no feeling.
Lightning across the sky thunder feels shy;
After rain the morning calls sunny sky is again false.

Reader: "WHAT??!"

Vision Statement Prep

Okay, I've decided I want a vision statement for myself.

In my 3 years of college, only a handful of classes truly inspire me. FINANCE 102 IS DEFINITELY NOT ONE OF THEM. Business 195: Business Strategy and Policy is. I don't know what other people think, but imho Anthony Paustian is a very interesting and funny professor. And quite a motivational speaker.

We were talking about vision statements and goal setting on Monday. Our reading for the day included the following:

"A graduating class of students were surveyed. Only 3% had set goals for the next 5-10 years. 10 years later, the same class were surveyed again. Those 3% had achieved more than what the other 97% had achieved collectively."

Hmm.. if that doesn't make you want to set your future goals, how about a million dollars? Yes? Okay, after you set your goals, you'll have that one million dollars. :P

Anyway, I've made my mind. I'm gonna think up my vision statement for the next 5 years and set financial, spiritual, mental, family, career, social and physical goals.

Just when I'll actually get around to doing it is another matter. Perhaps after our next class when he talks about time management. ;)

An Apology

"I am sorry", Jean said to Tina. No reply. They were close friends. Three months ago, Jean yelled at Tina over something petty, and Tina promptly stormed off. "You always liked to speed when you were angry." "Please forgive me", Jean looked back one last time, and left the cemetery.

Guess how many words are there? ;)

A Letter for Santa

Dear Santa,

I might not have been sugary nice this year, but I've tried. I might have said some things I shouldn't have said, and did not say some things that I should have. I may have been unkind or selfish occasionally, and even lied once in a while. But I neither robbed nor killed, so would you please grant my requests this Christmas?

You gave me a lot this year, and I want to thank you for that. You gave me a wonderful summer and introduced me to a world I'll soon join. I've met some great people, people whom I hope will remain my friends for life. You brought me to many places, and showed me what I could achieve. You sprinkled pleasant surprises along the year, and revealed some long-lost friends as I strolled through time.

But Santa, for all your gifts, I arrive at December's door an unhappy child. You showed me the paths I could take, and I've strived to travel as far as I can. In my journey, I dropped some items in my backpack, yet I feel more burdened by the loss. I dreamt of frolicking with deers, diving into waterfalls and running with leopards, but somehow I ended up taking the shortest shortcut possible.

I wanted to do my best in whatever I did, but now I think my priorities have been terribly wrong. Although I've done well in the things I know I'm good at, I don't feel the sense of accomplishment after reaching my goals. I swore never to let my goals become my life, but I think I've been too single-minded in my pursuit. If we are climbing towards our peak in our 20s, then why is a part of me already dying?

I lost my traveling partner this year, and I can only blame myself for losing him. In the month that followed, I relived countless memories and shed silent tears. Why can't life remain simple as it was years ago? A time when choosing where to go or where to eat were the toughest decisions we made. Our map says we'll meet a fork in our journey soon, and I'm afraid that we'll take separate roads then. I cannot bear to travel further without knowing when our roads will merge again. You've been to every chimney on earth. You know the way to every place. Won't you point out how far after the fork would the two paths meet?

Dear Santa, if you do make dreams come true, won't you show me how to turn back? My backpack is starting to tear, and the items I need to fix it are lying on the road home.

This Christmas eve, I'm going to sleep early. No matter what noises I hear that night, I'll not open my eyes and catch you leaving gifts under the tree. When morning comes, I'll unwrap my gifts. Hopefully, in one of those colorful gift boxes, I'll find a new map. A map to return home.


Love,

Sheau Chin