they don't know...

* I was talking to a friend and suddenly all this thoughts came streaming through my head. So this is what I jotted down this morning. Not all of it is what I feel. Tried to figure out what other people might have gone through as well. *

We are the ones
For years, we dreamed of leaving the country
for a better future
and people say how lucky you are
but they don't know what it's like.

We arrive and everything is a dream
we meet new people we see a different culture
we laugh at things that we once saw only in movies
we weave our hopes into a new beginning

But soon some things fall apart
Some remain good
Some we realize are just mirages in blind hope

We learn to cook because no one will feed us what we want
We learn to be strong because there is no wall to lean on
We mourn the self that once had no cares in the world
We learn to grow up

We go home and people beam at us
We are the ones who are going places
but in our hearts we don't feel our smiles

Some of us find love in a new place
we hold hands and wonder at the chances of meeting each other so far from home
we are fascinated by people so different from what we are used to
Some dream of love far away
they don't know how it feels until they've felt it themselves
we look at other couples and we yearn
but all we can do is wait
and reminisce about the good times we had and we will have
Some lose love from afar
we cry silently and wonder
why did we strive to go so far and yet end up losing

we have seen what others dream
we yell with delight the morning after our first snowfall
they say winter is beautiful
but they have never been through a winter full of snowstorms

we earn more than people do at home and they say how good it is
but they don't know we worry too about money
this country can realize your dreams and yet it is lacking

they think we are spending our family's money
but they don't know our guilt, our gratitude and our pain
we watch their hard-earned money spent
and we vow one day to repay them
but meanwhile all we can do is say no
when they tell us not to worry and just ask if we need more

we go home and we see our friends
some have come back from afar
and when we look at each other we recognize the joy and pain of being home
we are glad to be back
but everywhere things are not the same anymore

we mourn for the things that we missed and lost
the close friendships that fade
the people and the beloved pets who have left us forever
not being there to watch our baby siblings or cousins grow up

we celebrate friendships we made
people who lived with us who know how we really behave who stood by us
we shared our joys our tears our loneliness
our friends for life who once were our closest family

in the end
we might never want to live through it twice
but if we had a chance to go back and choose
we'd walk the same road again

they don't know the tears we've cried
they don't know the tests we've tried
they don't know the joy we've had
they don't know the friends we've met

we don't know until we lost the things we took for granted
and then found them again
we have grown up
we are never the same again

雨慨 (Lament of the Rain)

樱树枯萎 雨继流，
落花没意 水无情；
闪电交叉 雷欲羞，
雨过天晓 再幻晴。

Reader: "What the??! What does that mean????"

Just curious.. what do YOU think this means?


For the non-Malaysians, non-Chinese, bananas and semi-bananas, here's a terrible translation:

Sakura tree dying rain still pouring;
Fallen flowers no meaning water no feeling.
Lightning across the sky thunder feels shy;
After rain the morning calls sunny sky is again false.

Reader: "WHAT??!"

Vision Statement Prep

Okay, I've decided I want a vision statement for myself.

In my 3 years of college, only a handful of classes truly inspire me. FINANCE 102 IS DEFINITELY NOT ONE OF THEM. Business 195: Business Strategy and Policy is. I don't know what other people think, but imho Anthony Paustian is a very interesting and funny professor. And quite a motivational speaker.

We were talking about vision statements and goal setting on Monday. Our reading for the day included the following:

"A graduating class of students were surveyed. Only 3% had set goals for the next 5-10 years. 10 years later, the same class were surveyed again. Those 3% had achieved more than what the other 97% had achieved collectively."

Hmm.. if that doesn't make you want to set your future goals, how about a million dollars? Yes? Okay, after you set your goals, you'll have that one million dollars. :P

Anyway, I've made my mind. I'm gonna think up my vision statement for the next 5 years and set financial, spiritual, mental, family, career, social and physical goals.

Just when I'll actually get around to doing it is another matter. Perhaps after our next class when he talks about time management. ;)

An Apology

"I am sorry", Jean said to Tina. No reply. They were close friends. Three months ago, Jean yelled at Tina over something petty, and Tina promptly stormed off. "You always liked to speed when you were angry." "Please forgive me", Jean looked back one last time, and left the cemetery.

Guess how many words are there? ;)

A Letter for Santa

Dear Santa,

I might not have been sugary nice this year, but I've tried. I might have said some things I shouldn't have said, and did not say some things that I should have. I may have been unkind or selfish occasionally, and even lied once in a while. But I neither robbed nor killed, so would you please grant my requests this Christmas?

You gave me a lot this year, and I want to thank you for that. You gave me a wonderful summer and introduced me to a world I'll soon join. I've met some great people, people whom I hope will remain my friends for life. You brought me to many places, and showed me what I could achieve. You sprinkled pleasant surprises along the year, and revealed some long-lost friends as I strolled through time.

But Santa, for all your gifts, I arrive at December's door an unhappy child. You showed me the paths I could take, and I've strived to travel as far as I can. In my journey, I dropped some items in my backpack, yet I feel more burdened by the loss. I dreamt of frolicking with deers, diving into waterfalls and running with leopards, but somehow I ended up taking the shortest shortcut possible.

I wanted to do my best in whatever I did, but now I think my priorities have been terribly wrong. Although I've done well in the things I know I'm good at, I don't feel the sense of accomplishment after reaching my goals. I swore never to let my goals become my life, but I think I've been too single-minded in my pursuit. If we are climbing towards our peak in our 20s, then why is a part of me already dying?

I lost my traveling partner this year, and I can only blame myself for losing him. In the month that followed, I relived countless memories and shed silent tears. Why can't life remain simple as it was years ago? A time when choosing where to go or where to eat were the toughest decisions we made. Our map says we'll meet a fork in our journey soon, and I'm afraid that we'll take separate roads then. I cannot bear to travel further without knowing when our roads will merge again. You've been to every chimney on earth. You know the way to every place. Won't you point out how far after the fork would the two paths meet?

Dear Santa, if you do make dreams come true, won't you show me how to turn back? My backpack is starting to tear, and the items I need to fix it are lying on the road home.

This Christmas eve, I'm going to sleep early. No matter what noises I hear that night, I'll not open my eyes and catch you leaving gifts under the tree. When morning comes, I'll unwrap my gifts. Hopefully, in one of those colorful gift boxes, I'll find a new map. A map to return home.


Love,

Sheau Chin

Java Chip Frappuccinos

Here's my first attempt at a 50-word story!

This story was inspired during a long walk from Terminal 2 to Terminal 1 in Chicago O'Hare airport. There's a pretty interesting neon light sculpture in the tunnel linking those 2 terminals. The lights range from green to orange to purple. The whole thing is hanging above the walk-alator so you can look up at it. And there's some sort of music playing. It's one of those things that is supposed to have a very 'deep' meaning. Anyway, I was walking on the walk-alator, holding a Starbucks coffee, and suddenly thought of this story. Not very nice one la, but hey, can't expect much from an exhausted person waiting for her 4th delayed flight in 2 days.

I read that there's a competition by some newspaper (I think it's New York Times, but am not sure). This competition asks people to submit stories that are 50 and ONLY 50 words long, then the best stories are published. I read 2 examples, they are very very good. It is so hard to write concisely while retaining every point you want to make. Which is why the story below has a lot of missing points.

Btw, the story was not meant to be 50 words long only. But then I got tired of the story halfway through, ran out of ideas and decided people might ask me questions about it if it was too detailed. Plus I don't want another story as long as 'Elena-the-witch'. So anyway, after a super long-winded explanation of my story, here goes...


She loved Frappuccinos. He drank Espressos only and disliked Frappuccinos. They met in New York. A month later, she fell for him. He was attached, so she left for San Francisco. She couldn't forget him. She started drinking Espressos for the memories. One day they met again.

He was holding a Frappuccino.


Yes yes, corny I know.

风中的哀悼

后来还是走了。

一时狠下心来， 说走就走。

或许忙得什么都没时间想， 所以我的决定能坚持到现在。

也或许没有时间， 所以还没有好好的哀悼一下。

我自己觉得过得还好， 可是却会在外面径自发呆。

脾气比平时还要难以捉摸， 一时沉默寡言， 一时又很多话。

你还会习惯性地在晚上跟我说声晚安。

有些话我们不说了， 可时彼此还没到客客气气寒嘘几句的地步。

我想， 我还会依靠你， 直到你自己放手的那一天。

我们用泪用心用坚持换回来的点点滴滴， 如今就记忆在我们心中。

你走进我生活的第一天， 犹如往湖中间丢了一粒小石子。

波澜慢慢往外移， 我的规律也慢慢变。

但和最后又恢复平静的湖不一样的， 是从此我不会变回以前的我。

我永远都爱你， 只是我不是爱情万能主义者。

也许多几个月， 我们又会在一起了。

可是我有一种感觉， 有一天， 我们还是会分的。

四年的风风雨雨， 分分离离，注定了我们的生活永远都会纠缠着。

因为我们是两只跳不完舞的蝴蝶。