I

I feel weird.

Yesterday I learned that to understand my emotions, I should only use "emotional" words to express my feelings. I think "weird" is not an emotion. Neither is "blue" I don't think.

I feel a bit upset.

I don't know why exactly I'm upset. I can't think of anything that's going wrong in my life now. In fact, things are going great. Work is picking up, and one of the senior associates even complimented my work yesterday. I'm getting to know my colleagues more. What I planned I have managed to complete thus far. So I shouldn't be upset.

I know I have mood cycles, so maybe it's just at the lower end of the swing now. I know I go through mood swings every 2 weeks. I was very happy for the last 2 weeks. I am feeling down this week. It makes sense. Wait, is "down" an emotion?

I'm not angry though. I don't have the urge to yell at people, I just don't want to talk. Usually during these times, I look back and wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. All I want to do is take some "me" time, sit down somewhere and be by myself quietly. No instant messaging, no watching movies, no studying for FAP, nobody around me but strangers far away deep in their own world. And I sit there and I watch them go by and I think quietly to myself.

I think I'm falling sick. I feel cold and I already have a sore throat. I think falling sick is part of the reason I'm a bit upset. It certainly doesn't make me feel happy.

I will be fine after a while, maybe even when I wake up tomorrow. Or after I talk to my mum tonight. It always happens. People tell me I shouldn't be moody but this is who I am. After all, if I have episodes when I'm down, then I can really enjoy the periods when I'm esctatic right? What fun is it living life just feeling neutral?

I feel a bit upset now, but I know a few more blog entries from now, I'll be writing about something wondrously joyful. And then I will feel happy.