Today I got a postcard from my ex-roommate in Singapore.
Just a few short lines written on her trip to Cambodia.
But long enough to warm my heart, knowing that a friend faraway is thinking of me.
*hugs*
Thanks dear.
I feel weird.
Yesterday I learned that to understand my emotions, I should only use "emotional" words to express my feelings. I think "weird" is not an emotion. Neither is "blue" I don't think.
I feel a bit upset.
I don't know why exactly I'm upset. I can't think of anything that's going wrong in my life now. In fact, things are going great. Work is picking up, and one of the senior associates even complimented my work yesterday. I'm getting to know my colleagues more. What I planned I have managed to complete thus far. So I shouldn't be upset.
I know I have mood cycles, so maybe it's just at the lower end of the swing now. I know I go through mood swings every 2 weeks. I was very happy for the last 2 weeks. I am feeling down this week. It makes sense. Wait, is "down" an emotion?
I'm not angry though. I don't have the urge to yell at people, I just don't want to talk. Usually during these times, I look back and wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. All I want to do is take some "me" time, sit down somewhere and be by myself quietly. No instant messaging, no watching movies, no studying for FAP, nobody around me but strangers far away deep in their own world. And I sit there and I watch them go by and I think quietly to myself.
I think I'm falling sick. I feel cold and I already have a sore throat. I think falling sick is part of the reason I'm a bit upset. It certainly doesn't make me feel happy.
I will be fine after a while, maybe even when I wake up tomorrow. Or after I talk to my mum tonight. It always happens. People tell me I shouldn't be moody but this is who I am. After all, if I have episodes when I'm down, then I can really enjoy the periods when I'm esctatic right? What fun is it living life just feeling neutral?
I feel a bit upset now, but I know a few more blog entries from now, I'll be writing about something wondrously joyful. And then I will feel happy.
Remember that 4-month-long holiday I just had? Since the 2nd month, people have been asking me... aren't you bored at home? What do you do when you are not sleeping/eating/meeting friends? How come you are always too busy to meet up one?
The time has come to reveal what I've been secretly working on during my holiday.
I haven't been busy working on my own TV show like XiaXue.
No hush-hush trip to Korea for plastic surgery either. (Apparently that's the best place to change your face, but now why would I know that?)
But I have, I have been doing.......................... cross-stitch!
you: ??????!!! What the heck is cross-stitch?????!!!
me (meek tone): Erm, erm, it's kind of like embroidery but easier to pick up.
you: Oh.. so sewing lah? Chey.
Hehe, what? Expecting something more exciting izzit?
I picked up cross-stitch from my grandmother about 5 years ago. Did a few small projects then stopped after I went overseas. When I went home this time, I found one half-done so I decided to finish up the whole set. I bought the set of 4 in China (YH do you remember?). Managed to finish 3!
With the "privilege" of cooking my own meals in my own kitchen, comes the "luxury" of washing my own dishes.
Actually I'm ok with washing dishes, as long as they are not especially greasy. But what I cannot tahan is... how my dainty soft hands become OLD LADY hands after that! You know how your hands become a bit wrinkly after they have been soaked in water for a while? I don't like that!
Recently it always happens after I wash the dishes. No, my dishes are not especially dirty now. As a matter of fact, my dishes are quite clean after I finish eating ok? My dad used to joke that I don't have to wash my own plate after dinner because the plate looks cleaner than before. Drake people will know what I'm talking about hehe.
Anyway, I really don't like it when my hands become wrinkly. So ugly. Why does it become wrinkly in the first place? Who decided that when man's extremities (I notice toes do the same thing too) gets soaked in water, they will become wrinkly? Some kind of defense mechanism meh?
Hmm.. I don't know how to solve this wrinkly-hand problem. Cannot not wash dishes because I don't have a dishwasher. And anyway if I have a dishwasher I still want to wash some stuff. Save water you know. Maybe I should start wearing gloves, but then I'm very clumsy when I wear gloves. Might break a few plates.
Should get a very very good hand cream. Hehe, I know who to ask about hand creams! And it's a guy too.. hahaha.
Hmm.. I really don't know what to write. Promised myself I'll post new blog entries at least twice a week, but having a serious case of writer's block here. Actually I have some things to tell, but then I can't write it out because I don't want some people to read it.
Isn't it a bit ironic? I know some people have talked about it before. You blog because you want other people to know what's going on in your life, but then sooner or later you are forced to not blog about some stuff because you don't want certain people to know. So mah fan. Then in the end all you do is write NICE stuff only, or write bad stuff about people using codenames, which backfires in the end because people will start guessing who is that person and then make things worse when they guess wrongly.
Hehe, I just wrote a whole paragraph about nothing. Just a few more paragraphs about nothing and I'll be done. Wait, why am I making this into a chore like that stupid report I'm doing for FAP?
I finally finished the first module for the Fundamentals of Actuarial Practice (FAP) course. It's one of the actuarial science 'exams' that I need to pass to become a fully-qualified actuary (read: more money). It's actually not so much an exam, but rather like an online course with A LOT of offline readings and end of module exercises. The first module is ok, boring at times because it's ALL history. Learnt a lot though, like how the actuarial organization in London was established because there were too many insurance fraud incidents and insurance companies were sprouting left right and failing right left. I think.
And then I get through the end of the first module and read the instructions for the first exercise. After all those reading and quizzes, the exercise......... has nothing to do with the readings! Argh! Actually I don't know what can they put as an exercise that relates to the first module either. Maybe...
"Draw a timeline that shows the important events pertaining to the actuarial profession as mentioned in this module". Can die.
"Research a new and developing industry and explain in a report how actuarial expertise can benefit that industry." Eew. I don't like research.
"Provide a summary of the important contributions made by a significant person associated with the actuarial profession. Include a brief biography of that person as well". This is the worst. I know when I was in Grinnell taking Calculus, the other class got a similar assignment. Torturous or not? Instead of doing integration by parts, have to write paper.
Ah.. now I feel so much better about the exercise they gave us. If only I can just sit down long enough to finish it...
Guess what I found in my old blog? My lifetime goals as of March 2005!
In my lifetime, I want to...
Haha cool grandma? Can't even imagine being a 'ma' yet. I've been thinking... I don't think I wanna have kids. It's a big responsibility you know. And I don't know if I can handle that, feels kinda scary. True, I think babies are absolutely adorable, at least the cute ones are adorable lah. If I have a baby, he will definitely be cute... because his parents are good-looking mah. :P Btw it has to be a 'he' since there can be only one girl in his dad's life. Hah!
Ok now everybody is going to think that I actually want to have a baby. NO NO NO.
I only think the baby part is fun, when I'm still calling the shots and he can't do much about it. But what about when he grows up?? (I can't believe I'm thinking so far ahead, but I am.) So not fun ok?? So much money to spend on him!! Demanding a car, cellphone, pocket money, computer... And what about when he starts breaking girls' hearts left and right because he's so good looking??? Or waiting up late at night because he hasn't come home yet?
Eesh, so many things to worry about. It's not like college... take a class for one week and if I don't like it I can just hand in a drop form at the office. Wish I can take care of a baby and then call it quits when it starts being unfun, but who's going to accept a drop form for a rebelling teenager???
Ah, I think I'd rather save up to travel around the world. Didn't get to visit Greece, Argentina or France yet, but I will. Haven't done much about my goals this past year and a half. Did I learn a new language? Nope. Did I learn to dance? Nope. Did I allow for enough free time everyday? Erm... not really.
Well since that last goal-setting session has been quite a failure, I've decided to... come up with new goals! This time I'm going to use SMART goals... heehee... something I learned in Management 110. *assumes lecturer's tone* Ahem, SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound. Wah I actually remembered! But I haven't finalized my goals yet, been thinking about them for these past 2 days. I'm planning to set them by this Friday so I can get started beginning November!
Ta dah!! Photos of my apartment!!
Actually I wasn't planning to post up photos of my apartment, since it's quite bare and u-g-l-y at the moment. But then, I promised someone I would and I'm not one to BACK OUT of a promise, unlike some people... hmph... if you say you'll call then you mighty well should right????
I digress. My apartment is pretty cosy (translate: not very big). It's a studio with some sort of walk-in closet that leads to the bathroom. The building was renovated a few years ago, so the apartment looks quite new, especially the kitchen! Almost all the other apartments I visited had pretty old-looking kitchens and bathrooms. Except for one which was simply gorgeous, floor-to-ceiling windows, huge living room & bedroom, and a balcony! But it was much more expensive and quite a bit further to walk. I think I wrote about this already, but never mind.
So here's my half-done apartment. The walls are completely bare now, except for my exercise workout poster. Hehe. Oh, and notice how everything is BROWN. So bland. Need to spice things up a bit, but why oh why does framed art cost so much? So frustrating.
The photo above was taken from the window corner. See my puppies? Hehe, I used to have 7 puppies on my bed, but I brought them home with me over summer and now I only have 2. So ironic right? When I had a small bed I had to squeeze with 7, now I have a big bed and only 2 puppies. The walk-in closet is at the far end (where the chair is), I have a study desk there as well but it's rarely used for studying. The bathroom is behind the wall with the workout poster. The kitchen is at the near right. You can't see it, but here it is:
Not very big hor? Told you it was a studio already mah. I want to get a potted plant to put in between the sink and stove. Apparently it's not good 'feng shui' to have the sink and stove next to each other. Something about water (sink) and fire (stove) clashing and bringing disharmony.
And here's my green bathroom! I love the bamboo shower curtain. Makes me feel like I'm outdoors, hehe.
Here's the view from my window. This is the south view though, had my apartment faced north, I would get a view of the Ohio river. I would have seen the fireworks during Thunder over Louisville without squeezing with the huge crowd near the river. :( Too bad there were only 2 options when I moved in, the other apartment was on the 3rd floor so it did not even have a view.
You can tell downtown Louisville doesn't have a lot of high rises. Plus the main chunk of them are to the north so I can't see them from my apartment anyway. It's quite pretty at night when the lights are up.
So my apartment quite bare hor? I want to buy sooooooo many things for my apartment, but then sometimes feel guilty because I'm supposed to be saving money. If I save now, then next time when I buy my own place I can get better furniture! But in the meantime, I'll be stuck with a not-so-pretty apartment. If I buy now, then maybe it won't fit my new place next time. Why is my world full of dilemmas???
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