Nostalgia

The last day of my internship. I have been spending a few hours for the past few days trying to clear stuff off my desk. Doesn't seem like I had much progress so far. I've gone through files one by one, only to pull out papers and stack them into separate piles in another corner of my cubicle. Maybe I was subconsciously stalling my progress, or maybe my desk just had too many things on it. Either way, the last day was filled with anticipation and dread at the same time. Anticipation of finding out if I got an offer or not, and dread because this day signified that the most wonderful 13 weeks just ended.

I spent a couple of hours finishing up some work, but for the rest of the day I just met people, said my goodbyes and finally managed to really clear out my desk. Since Monday, I had numerous 5-minute blank-outs where I would just stare at the monitor screen, trying to let the fact that I was leaving in a few days sink in. Today, I walked around with a knot in my stomach, a feeling that I can't exactly describe. Nostalgic of the times Emily and I chit-chatted across our cubicles, all the intern activities, absolutely delicious lunches, and getting to know people in the office (especially my intern managers and buddies!). At 5.30 pm, I grabbed my bag, took one last look at an almost empty cubicle and sadly left a place that will be etched deep with fond memories in my mind.

Recap of one crazy week

How could I have ever thought that I'm good at handling stress??! The only reason for that.. is because I haven't had real stress until now.

Up till Thursday morning, I've just been busy preparing my end-of-summer intern presentation. Super-ultra nerve-wrecking I tell you. Can you imagine 80 people showing up to see what I've done so far, and probably half of them have the power to decide whether I get a full-time offer or not. Not to mention that because of the extremely well-done presentations of yester-years, everyone has HIGH hopes for this year's interns as well. So now not only do I have to show that I do know what I've been doing for the past 12 weeks, I also have to be funny. All these while trying hard to hide how nervous I actually am.

Thankfully, everything went WELL. :) Our individual presentations were good, and I actually managed to make the audience laugh. Okay, to be honest, I'm pretty pleased with how I did. Especially since it was better than the ones I practised. But the highlight of the whole thing was our finale. A spoof of 2 movies, making fun of the interns' experience at Mercer. We parodied choice scenes from Office Space and Napoleon Dynamite, and the full-timers LOVED it.

For me, I'm just relieved that this whole unbelievably stressful episode is over. And it ended quite good after all. Seriously, I've got to have more confidence in myself. Thanks to all who told me I would do well. You know who you are. ;)



The day before our presentations, HR organized a scavenger hunt for all interns and 3 full-timers, one each from HR, Retirement, and Healthcare. It was soooooooooo fun!!!!!! We went all over downtown Chicago, finding clues, picking up random stuff, taking funny pictures and walking around like a bunch of crazy people. That day was really hot, too, and all of us ended up sweaty and plain gross.

The best thing about the Scavenger Hunt: my team managed to get into the set for a famous talk show!!! There were 2 things on the list that were high value items (meaning if we can get them, first place is almost guaranteed). One of these 2 was "infiltrate the set of one of the 2 famous talk shows in Chicago". Can you guess which 2 shows?

Okay, we didn't go to Harpo Studios, but somehow we got into the Jerry Springer Show!! My team was hanging around the lobby of NBC Tower, begging the unyielding receptionist to let us in. Then Jerry Springer's publicist came down and asked us if we were doing a scavenger hunt and if we wanted to visit the set. We said yes, and amazingly she agreed. The set looked exactly like it is on TV, except smaller. I've got photos to prove I was there. :P

So naturally, we won the competition. For that, all I got was a t-shirt that said "US Scavenger Hunt Company". *_* It did NOT even say "Best Team". Geez. Made me wish that we were worst team, at least they got pretty little trophies with golden cups and marble pedestals. Since I complained, my intern manager gave me his trophy from 2 years ago because he got the cup twice in a row. :)



Yesterday Emily (another intern who sits next to me at work) and I had a back-to-school shopping spree. I've never spent soooooooooo much money shopping at one go. We shopped and shopped and shopped for 8 straight hours. Came back super-tired but extremely happy. Spending money is the nicest thing to do in the world. :) And New York & Company has now become my favorite store. All their clothes fit me. Which is a RARE thing for me since I came to the States.

Anyway, so I've now got 14 new tops, 2 jeans, a skirt and a new watch. Did not get any shoes or bags, which I really need. Found a pair of delicious red boots yesterday, but didn't buy because I had already spent so much money. Regretting now, maybe I should go back and get them. *sigh* I need shoes. And I need work pants for winter. Hehe, finding reasons to go for another shopping spree. :P

想家的感慨

昨天 Healthcare 部门有个 outing， 邀请全部 intern 一起去。 一个下午不用工作，能出去玩，公司还照样付薪水， 当然去啰！

第一次去跑马场， 我期盼了好几天。 因为场地在 Arlington，芝加哥附近的一个 suburb， 所以必须搭火车。

一路上我顾着看风景， 也懒得和别人聊天。火车从芝加哥往西北驶， 窗外的景色从城市的繁荣化成小镇的熟悉。 我仿佛看到了以前曾见过的。 小时候随家人旅行， 偶尔经过一些小镇，就如现在窗外的小镇一样。

我看到了火车路，看到陈旧的屋子，看到骑电单车的小子。 大树一棵棵闪过我的视线， 和家里的大树一模一样。 这里没有 Starbucks， 只有简单的咖啡屋。 偶尔经过的车， 是实用的日本款式。 我把身边的外国人当透明， 布告板的英文变马来文。 在心里， 我正在回家， 就如以前有一次从新加坡搭火车回到吉隆坡。

Outing 是挺好玩的， 我赌小注， 所以输不多。 马跑的时候， 使劲的喊， 赢了输了照样再赌下一场。

倒是发现厌了和美国人说笑， 很想找我的马来西亚朋友们。两年了，越来越封闭自己， 对美国人起初的好奇， 变成后来的失望， 到现在的不屑。当然这是 General Paper 常说的 over-generalization， 我不是对所有美国人都有这种感觉。

或许我思想还不够开通， 可是到最后我还是比较喜欢和同乡的人做朋友。

星期一妈咪问我想不想家， 当时我没有立刻说想， 反而说已经麻痹了。 现在觉得， 我是想家的， 我说不出， 因为已经尽我所能不去碰那个感受。 我把所有看到的尽可能都联想成马来西亚也有的一部分；眼里看到的只有家里的好，这里的不好。

两年留在美国， 物质享受这里应有尽有，可是总觉得少了一份灵魂。 至少少了以前爱讲笑话， 作弄别人， 发花痴的那个人。

依依不舍

今天天大的消息把美丽的星期一变得乌云重重。

Intern Manager 突然说要走了，上星期五交了辞职信， 给了两个星期的通知。 可是照公司一贯的作风，很可能这几天内就必须离开。

会议室里好像突然给雷劈了一下.

我没有心理准备，所以一整天在办公室里心不在焉，满脑子想着她说的话。

相处了近乎九个星期， 说长不长， 说短不短。 可是习惯了有问题就问她，有事就找她， 没有事还是找她。 一个个子比我小的人，成了我的靠山。

对工作的了解， 差不多都是她教的。 什么做得好，什么做得不好，统统给她点出来。 Intern Manager 本来的任务就是确保我们的 internship 过得有意义，所以就自然而然地跟她接触最多。

接任的是我目前的 buddy， 他人很好， 很谈得来， 可是始终不是同样一个人。 唯一让我较感安慰的是, 她转的公司就在我们隔壁, 所以下次还有机会聚聚会, 吃午餐.

不能跟办公室里的人谈, 所以窝在心里一整天了, 一直有种想哭的感觉. 原来还算有血有肉, 不像我爸说的 "铁面无私", 呵呵.

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Haven't written in over 2 months, can't believe my first blog in summer is a sad one. But so much has happened this summer, this internship is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I don't know how else to describe Summer 2005, but it's going to be an experience I'll NEVER forget.

Reminiscence

And so it ends. Another chapter in a story that's still unfolding, full of the typical ups and downs, parallels and dissimilarities, and the usual comings and goings.

My days are counted by school semester, so it's not odd that I'm reminiscing now. Having my last final tomorrow morning, then I'll pack and leave Des Moines in the afternoon. Not to return until mid-August. Gonna miss this city? Doubt it. Ironically, I hold more attachment to Ames (city where my boyfriend attended university, about 40 mins away from Des Moines) than this place, but it's the people in Drake that I'm gonna miss.

I started this academic year by transfering to a different university, leaving behind a college with unfinished business and bittersweet memories. It's amazing how quickly we make new friends and find our own niche in a new place. There are things about Grinnell that I still and will always miss, but in its place I've found other perks.

It's always when things are about to change that we realize how comfortable we've been with our routine. Late night suppers in Spike's, walking back to Jewett after supper with a close friend, loitering outside Jewett to talk just a little bit more, looking forward to Fridays when my boyfriend picks me up, eagerly planning new recipes to try over the weekend, snuggling together while watching movies, grumbling about having to wake up early the next morning... the list can go on and on.

An entirely different chapter is coming up. I'm excited, though I must admit that I have no idea what to expect, which undoubtedly causes a little nervousness. Summer would give me a taste of the life that I'll live soon enough, though with more spoonfuls of fun and variety, and less doses of tedium and financial worries. Once again, I'll make new friends and find my own niche in a new place.

And so it begins.

Quotes from Mandarin

Had a wonderful and satisfying dinner last night in Mandarin to celebrate Ryly's birthday.

A couple of memorable quotes:

"You know something's not right when you try to cut it and it runs away" [referring to a century egg (trivia: was one of the "exotic dishes" featured in Fear Factor)]

"I feel like I cannot finish chewing this thing" [said while eating the stalk of a "choy sum"]

And to top it off, my fortune cookie's quote:

"You make people realize that there exists other beauties in the world"

I still don't know whether to take it as a compliment or insult. Hehe.

跷跷板的感觉

什么时候来的忧郁？

你说我不应该忧郁， 你说我什么都有，你说我没有理由忧郁。 我跟你说， 过一阵我就没事了。 我其实想跟你说，我忧郁的理由， 你不能明白。

你怨我把你当作理所当然， 我死死的否认了， 心里却凉了一下， 你这样想，其实有点理所当然。

什么时候你开始纵我？ 让我靠近后又把你推掉。

什么时候我的不对都变成了你的？

什么时候我的刁蛮我的有要求你一一接受？

你要的100%， 我答应了你。 你做得到我不能， 却又无心否了你。

有些东西， 不是我不想说； 有些东西， 说了出来后和心里想的受的不一样。

解释了还被误解， 倒不如不解释的好。