Yo-yo-ing

It's so odd.

There are some things that I need to let go of.. and occasionally I can come to accept them.. but sometimes they just bug me.

Sometimes I understand why it has to happen the way it did.. but sometimes I can't. I think understanding is not enough. I need to know for sure for me to let go. But some things we'll never find out because we can't ask. Some we'll never know even if we ask.

So what should I do? What am I supposed to do?

There are days when I feel angry, but blaming the other person while I feel like the innocent victim doesn't help. For one thing, I was not innocent, but what should I have done instead? I am not exactly sure.

In my more objective state of mind, I understand what's happening now. Haven't I seen it happen before to someone else? I know you mean well and it's better for you, but sometimes I feel bewildered.. as though someone sent me a half-torn map and expects me to know where the treasure is buried.

Am I supposed to ask you? Will you even admit it?

Someone wisely told me that nothing is forever.. and maybe a few months from now we'd be back where we started. But I doubt it. It's happened before and I've watched each one shatter. It's me, I know, who can't put the pieces back again.

But if I get the chance to choose again, I'd make the same choices. For I may have lost 2 eagles, but I've found my snowy owl.